I often wonder who I would be if I weren’t so afraid of being judged.
Have you ever struggled with feeling like you’re being judged? It seems silly to even ask. Maybe you’re reading this right now because fear of being judged has you staring at your phone instead of doing what you’re meant to do.
Fear of judgment is one of the many ways you doubt yourself.
Self-doubt is fear. Fear of judgment. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of being rejected. Fear of not being enough. I could go on, but I won’t.
While I haven’t found a permanent cure, self-storytelling has become a great treatment… helping to keep my fear of judgement in check so I can keep doing what I was born to do.
Here are three stories I tell myself whenever I feel the fear of judgement, aka self-doubt, creeping in — they might help you too!
It could be situational or a sustained state of being, but if you’ve ever wanted to get out of a fear of judgment or self-doubt funk, these three stories will help.
A story about a time when you felt judged and then realized it was all in your head.
Oh yes, we all do this. You were convinced you could read someone’s mind and you told yourself they were bashing you and judging you for not being good enough. But then, this person started talking with you and they complimented you or asked questions because they thought what you were doing was so intriguing, interesting, or even impressive.
Mind reading is dangerous, and never do we think, “Oh, how nice. This person thinks I’m creative and smart.” Oh no, our habit is to think they are bashing us because that is what we do to ourselves. I’m telling you; no one judges you more harshly than YOU judge yourself!
A story about a time when you realized the person’s opinion about you really didn’t matter anyway.
Tell yourself a story about a time when you placed so much importance on one person’s opinion and you were bold and acted against their advice anyway and you nailed it! Reminding yourself of your courageous, bold moments puts fear in its place and self-doubt will join her. Sometimes the simple reminder of when you nailed it is enough to pull you out of the self-doubt rut. And if your inner critic tries to tell you it was a fluke, don’t believe it.
This need for external validation, the need to not ruffle any feathers, to please others, stops you from believing in yourself. People pleasing has nothing to do with other people and everything to do with your insecurities. Learn to love and support yourself and you’ll stop worrying about pleasing everyone else. External validation is fleeting. Belief in yourself is enduring.
A story about someone else who really doesn’t give a thought to what other people think of them.
They go all in – two feet in. They don’t half-ass anything or make themselves smaller to make others feel okay. We all know someone like this. We secretly envy their courage and confidence and wish that it would rub off on us.
What things do they do that you are in awe of? Have you ever told yourself, “I wish I could be bold and do things that others don’t agree with and not care about disappointing them?” What are those things? Go ahead. Be bold. Do it.