There’s one specific type of goal that no one is doing right now and it’s causing significant damage in our world. It’s time to end the loneliness.

The wild thing is that most of us would say, “People are important to us.” Right?

So what exactly are your relationship goals?

If you’re married, you’d say your spouse is important to you.

If you’re a parent, you’d say your kids are important to you.

If you’re a friend, you’d say your friends are important to you. 

But our goals don’t reflect it.

It’s even wilder to think about when you consider the dangers of isolation and loneliness. For the first time ever, the Surgeon General of the United States, has laid out a framework to deal with social connection. He warned, “Given the significant health consequences of loneliness and isolation, we must prioritize building social connection the same way we have prioritized health issues such as tobacco, obesity and substance use disorders.”

Loneliness is an epidemic. Loneliness is a monster. Loneliness is killing people. 

So, what do we do?

Part of the problem is that it’s hard to turn something fuzzy like, “Have more friends” or, “Stop being lonely” into a tactical, practical, measurable goal.

But I bet we can fix that today. It’s time to end the loneliness. Here are three relationship goals you can try immediately.

1. Encourage one person every day for a week.

Take out your phone, go through your contacts and make a list of 3-5 people you want to encourage. Tomorrow, text the first person on the list a short message like, “Was just thinking about how glad I am that I get to be your friend” or, “Whenever I think of creativity, I think of you!” or, “I still laugh every time I think about how hysterically fun that concert was that we went to.” I guarantee that 90% of them will respond with some form of “You have no idea how much I needed to hear that today.”

2. Call your _____.

I realized that with the busyness of life, I can often go a week without talking to my mom. She won’t be around forever and I want to have a strong relationship with her, where she feels loved, so I made it a goal. What name would you put in that blank? Who do you need to call more consistently?

3. Own the ask.

Be the person who sets up the event, lunch, coffee, etc. Sometimes, especially for teenagers and 20 something year-olds, it’s easy to sit and wait around for someone to reach out to you. I will often ask my girls, “Do you have any plans this weekend?” and they’ll say, “I wish, no one asked me to do anything.” To which I’ll respond, “Own the ask.” Those three words put that ‘waiting to be asked’ excuse right in its place. Be the one who reaches out.

The pushback I sometimes get to relationship goals is that people will say, “That makes it feel forced, it’s not natural,” or, “I shouldn’t need a goal to do something nice for someone.”

That logic reminds me of something author Marshall Goldsmith wrote about a few years ago. In his book The Earned Life, he shares, “A friend once mocked me for tracking how many times I said something nice to my wife each day. ‘You shouldn’t have to be reminded to be nice to your wife,’ he said.” To which Goldsmith responded, “Evidently, I do.” He goes on to say, “I’m not ashamed that I need a reminder to behave better. It would be shameful if I knew it and didn’t do anything about it.”

It’s difficult to think of an area of your life that won’t be improved by a simple, deliberate goal, whether that’s relationships, career, finances, health or fun.

If you’re lonely, try one of those three ideas and let me know how it goes.