This will shock you. Having an inner critic isn’t all bad. In fact,  when you engage your inner critic in a useful way it can move from foe to friend.

Remember the saying, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer”? You want to keep your inner critic close. Get strategic with how you interact with it. You can be in charge of your inner critic instead of it taking charge of you. 

This being said, you decide when you allow your inner critic to join you.

I need my inner critic, I just don’t need her all the time. She’s terrible at the start of projects, she’s the worst at brainstorming, but she’s great at checking the final details when the project is almost done. The lesson is to not fight her. I just invite her to the right parts of my life.

My inner critic is loud, creative, and equipped with the greatest memory of all time. She’s able to easily reach into the recesses of my life and dredge up mistakes I made in the 3rd grade. “Remember that time you left your art project on the bus that was a gift for your Mom, and your Mom had to call the bus company begging them to look for it but it was never found?”

“Do you remember that?” My inner critic asks. 

“I do now,” I reply.

When I talk to me, I talk mean. 

Recognizing that, I did what most people do when they identify an inner critic, I tried to kill it. I tried to ignore it. I went to war with it, hoping that I could beat it back to whatever dark recesses I believed it came from. 

For years, I read books, blogs and Instagram posts that promised me it was possible to quiet your inner critic. 

None of it worked. 

My inner critic kept coming back. It kept piping up. It kept getting loud.

Then, one day, I had a bit of an epiphany. A burst of insight found me in the middle of a walk.  Here’s what I realized:

I need my inner critic, I just don’t need her all the time.

I need my inner critic, I just need her in the right moments. 

What would happen if instead of trying to kill her, I just started inviting her to the times I need her the most? 

I don’t need her at the start of projects for instance. When I’m trying to dream up something new, her advice isn’t helpful. She questions my originality and talent. If I’m trying to blue sky some new adventure, whether it’s planning a family vacation, writing a book or coming up with a new coaching  program, her words are destructive. She’s terrible at dreaming. She has incredible vision for the smallest possible mistakes and disasters that could happen with any project.

But, my inner critic’s level of detail is invaluable in other moments. 

For instance, after I’m done dreaming and I’m in it, doing the work I tap into my inner critic to analyze my work more objectively, and hone my creative skills to produce more impactful and authentic work. 

When I’m about to publish a blog post, I need her eyes. She’s amazing at pointing out mistakes. She’s so detailed in so many different ways. I need her checking for typos, redundant phrases and lazy sentences where I clearly phoned it in because I was tired. 

When I’m reviewing my monthly expenses and gross revenue for my business, I don’t need the dreamer side of me. I don’t need the creative part of me with her head in the clouds, saying, “Anything is possible if we just believe!” In that moment, I need the inner critic to say, “Wait a second, what’s this number right here? We spent how much money on what?” I need her cold, analytical, take no excuses attitude to interview every single one of the numbers in my business.. 

I need my inner critic, I just need her in the right moments.

When you flip your inner critic on its head it will:

1️⃣ Allow you to look at your performance and relationships more objectively.

During a conflict or disagreement with a loved one, your inner critic might contribute to negative thoughts and assumptions, leading to further tension. Use your inner critic as a cue to practice active listening and empathy. Take a step back, challenge your assumptions, and objectively evaluate the situation. This self-awareness can help you identify your triggers and potential biases, allowing you to communicate more effectively and find constructive solutions.

2️⃣ Encourage self-reflection so you can learn from your experiences by asking “What could I have done differently?” Or, “How can I improve next time?” Use this as an opportunity to gain valuable insights and learn from your experiences.

3️⃣ Help you develop resilience by challenging you to do the dang thing scared.

Imagine you have a fear of public speaking, and your inner critic tells you that you’re going to embarrass yourself and stumble over your words. Instead of letting those thoughts overwhelm you, use your inner critic to prepare meticulously. Anticipate potential challenges and practice your speech diligently. Your inner critic can help you identify areas of improvement, such as voice or body language, so you can work on them before your presentation. By addressing those concerns, you can deliver a more confident and effective speech.

4️⃣ Motivate you to learn new skills.

Let’s say you’re considering a career change, and your inner critic fills your mind with doubts about your qualifications for the new field. Use your inner critic to evaluate your current skills and knowledge objectively. Identify any gaps that need to be filled and develop a plan to acquire the necessary expertise through courses, training, or networking. Your inner critic can guide you toward areas of self-improvement and provide the motivation to take the necessary steps towards your desired career transition.

5️⃣ Remind you to practice self-compassion.

While your inner critic can be harsh, it’s essential to balance it with self-compassion. Use it as a reminder to treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations and self-care.

6️⃣ Remind you how far you’ve come so you celebrate your growth and progress.

For example, when pursuing fitness goals, your inner critic may discourage you by emphasizing perceived flaws or lack of progress. Instead of letting it discourage you, use your inner critic to set realistic goals and create a structured fitness plan. Monitor your progress objectively, focusing on gradual improvements rather than instant perfection. Use your inner critic’s voice as motivation to push yourself further and celebrate small victories along the way.

You can fight your inner critic. You can try to shut it up. Maybe there’s some type of yoga or candle that makes her go away forever. I haven’t found it but if you do, slide into my DMs.

Inner critics aren’t loud because they hate you. 

They’re loud because they’re afraid you’re going to ignore them. They’re loud because they have something to tell you. They’re loud because they’re worried they won’t have a seat at the table. Try this: Tell your inner critic there’s a specific spot for them. 

In the meantime though, I think you might be surprised what would happen if you befriended your inner critic, established some ground rules and invited her to the right part of your life. And then watch what amazing things happen.