Pause Life Coaching

You know that one person in your life…the one who knows just what buttons to push to get a rise out of you?

Usually, this person is someone we love. Someone we trust. We give this person all this power over us, our moods, our days. It’s a choice based on the stories we tell ourselves.

We keep tripping over the same issues, and after we fall, we find it hard to get back up again.

Here’s how you can change your story.

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What if you can’t remember your past because you never actually made memories? Is that worse than making them and then forgetting them?

I wonder who will tell this present when it becomes the past? Will future grandparents have stories that start with “I remember when I was your age…?”

I don’t know the answer to that but I do know these things to be true.

  • I can’t go back and live the past because it’s gone. Poof! Doesn’t exist.
  • And I can’t live in the future because it doesn’t exist yet.
  • The only thing that does exist is the present.

So, if I’m not existing in the present, do I exist at all?

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So you got ADHD and you want to start doing things differently. Good for you! Deciding to work with an ADHD coach is a big step. It takes tremendous courage to admit conquering ADHD all alone is, well…it’s hard! Many often feel unsure of what ADHD coaching is and even more unsure of what to expect from an ADHD coach. Here’s what to  look for in an ADHD coach.

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Refreshing and Positive

How I think about my ADHD has shifted since coaching with Carlene. Now I can move myself out of the negative thinking and set myself up for wins. It was so refreshing to talk to someone who would celebrate things that felt big to me but were never a big deal to “normal” people! I moved out of an unhealthy living situation, see my friends more often and made peace with past family issues. Today, I’m more confident and have the tools I need to move forward with my life!”

Jennifer, Adult Client

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Approachable and Trustworthy 

“When I came home after only one semester at college, I started coaching with Carlene. She allowed me to come up with MY best way to do things. She knows what a college student with ADHD can use and implement to keep their lives and mental health as balanced as possible. I took one semester off, and returned to college completing another two semesters with less anxiety and better grades. No more doubts. I will get my degree!”

Erin, College Student

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Tapped Into My Talents 

“Through coaching, I discovered I had many strengths I was not using. Understanding how to use these strengths in my business has helped me stay focused. I’m more organized and productive. Carlene taught me how to coach myself through challenging situations so I can stay on track and have a successful business.”

Brian, Business Owner

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A True ADHD Expert

“Managing my son’s behavior was a daily struggle. Carlene helped me understand how his ADHD brain works. I’m more confident in my parenting. I can help my son in ways I never could before.”

Amy, Parent

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My Biggest Cheerleader 

I was afraid of not being ready to go off to college. My strengths were always there. It wasn’t until I started working with Carlene that I found them.

Kerry, College Student

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Improved My Productivity

“My “to-do-list” was the boss of me. I was overwhelmed. Coaching with Carlene helped me learn ways to take control of my work. Now I’m hopeful about the future!”

Keith, College Professor

You’re thinking, OMG I need an entire team? Yes! You probably already have lots of peeps on your team already and don’t even know it.

When I work with parents of younger kids we talk about the team. We name the team after the child like, “Team Joshua”. Kids relate to the team idea early on and are not intimidated by it. The team consists of different practitioners, teachers, counselors, parents, family and friends.

We get older and some of these team mates change or go away. But what about the people we need when we reach young adulthood and beyond?

Here are some team players who will support you in the most important ways. Who do you have in your life to fill these spots on your team?  Usually, these peeps are right in front of you but you’ve never noticed.

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Do you treat “help” like a 4-letter word?

What if you had more freedom to ask for what you wanted and for specific support from other people? What if you could ask for help in a confident, humble and empowering way? What if you remembered that you are worthy of other people’s help and that they want to help?

While it sounds simple enough, accepting help is challenging for all of us. It’s especially hard for those of us that believe that seeking help undermines our independence and our ability to cope.

There is a tendency to think that you “should” be able to cope alone, to manage without help, or that “life shouldn’t be this way”. It’s a tendency to see the world as it “should be” as opposed to as it actually “is.”

Wanting something to be, or something not to be based on unrealistic standards is only wishful thinking.

8 Reasons You Don’t Ask For Help and What To Do About It

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Do you define success by “you having to do it all yourself”?

Imagine feeling peaceful, experiencing a deep feeling of well-being – my definition of success. How I get there is merely a strategy.

If you’re never feeling successful in your days, it’s time to start doing something different.

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There is no such thing as an unselfish gift. Have you noticed that “feel good jolt” you get when someone accepts a gift from you with excitement and energy? Unless you’re giving someone chicken pox, it’s hard to think of giving as a bad thing. And we can’t help it if it makes us feel good.

So what happens when someone gives us something and we don’t receive it with the same energy and excitement? We take that “feel good jolt” away from them.

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Who is this older gentleman feverishly taking notes, wearing a business suit at the CHADD Conference? I assumed him a physician or school administrator. WRONG! He raises his hand and asks, “How can I be there for my granddaughter to support all her interests. She has so many. I want her to know I care but it’s hard when her interests change daily.” Wow. What a lucky girl his granddaughter is to call this gentleman Grandpa.

In another session, for women with ADHD, many women stood up and shared their struggles with ADHD and what they’ve learned to do to live with more ease. Their honesty, vulnerability, and sense of humor moved me beyond words. Talking about it with each other gives us community, support and understanding. Ladies, we are all stronger when we lean on each other. I urge you to find support in your community or start your own group!

For some at the conference, they would come out of a session and say, “I thought the speaker was talking about me! He described me, my habits, my fears, my goofs, my oops, my need for speed. He even knew of my desires to do more, to do it better, to do it without reminders, to not let others down, to not let myself down. I came here for someone else I care about with ADHD and discovered my own ADHD.”

That first self-diagnosis can leave many unsettled. Not knowing how to tell others. Not wanting judgment. Not knowing what to do next.

I’m  grateful for the ADHD community of professionals who work tirelessly to reach others who could really start rocking and rolling in their lives with just a little support.

Mostly, I’m grateful for those who are already stepping up and supporting someone they love living with ADHD.

What can you do when someone shares they suspect or know they’re living with ADHD?

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Numerous trips to the ER were a consequence. Sophie was always impulsive. As a child, she loved risky activities like swinging in the trees and waiting until the last minute to cross the street in front of an oncoming car. She was a daredevil with her bike, including dirt bikes and ATV’s as she got older. She went as fast as possible. She loved the adrenaline rush. She had a hard time keeping friends because she would react in the heat of the moment, hurting their feelings or would blurt inappropriate things. As a teen, bingeing on alcohol, drugs and food became habitual. Now, as a young adult, impulsive decision-making – quitting school, quitting jobs impulsively and spending money without considering a budget – was common.

The pause button is the idea that the small space between a stimulus and our reaction, that tiny little moment, is a moment of pure freedom.

 Stimulus-Reaction

That little dash is our choice, to use however we want. We can choose to react in a way that makes a situation worse, or better. It’s our choice, our freedom to do with what we want.

For some living with ADHD, their little dash, their space between a stimulus and their reaction, is SUPER small. They barely give themselves time to take in a situation before reacting to it.

Decision-making is part of the prefrontal cortex, which is the thinking part of the brain behind your forehead. It is the last part of the brain to mature and this doesn’t occur until our 20s. This explains impulsive decision-making in teens. People with ADHD have an even greater delay in the maturity of this part of the brain, which may explain some of their impulsive traits.

There are certainly consequences to a child being impulsive. Why did you throw the snowball? Don’t you know that’s wrong? But as we age, impulsivity can have greater consequences across our lifespan. One of the three most frequently seen types of impulsivity, include impulsive experimentation with drugs or alcohol. Impulsive driving can lead to higher incidence of accidents and sexual impulsivity can lead to increased incidence of sexually transmitted diseases.

Certainly, a pause button would help. Instead of immediately making a choice, use the pause button and delay it to a later time, when you can deal with this choice more effectively. Talk it over with someone else, or imagine what your best pal, friend or coach would say about the choice.

The benefits of self-control cannot be overstated. Every study shows that those who excel at delaying gratification are happier, more successful, have better relationships, and the list goes on.

Pausing can help you to:

  • Stop reacting to your child’s behavior and become curious about what is causing the behavior.
  • Build and maintain friendships. Use the pause to listen, really listen. Use it to filter your responses.
  • Control your emotions and filter those catastrophic thoughts that create unnecessary drama, worry and anxiety.
  • Push your initial judgments aside. Eliminate any pre-misconceptions. Open yourself up to new perspectives.
  • Learn compassion and empathy for others and yourself!
  • Grow self-awareness of what’s getting in your way of being who you want to be and doing what you want to do.

If you’ve ever been around someone who has the ability to think before they react…gosh, it’s a beautiful thing. But, how do you learn to pause?

  • A good starting place is identifying your impulsive risks. For example, is it in the form of communication, spending money, bingeing on things, driving? These can be considered “critical moments” of impulsivity. Getting these on the radar is very important.
  • A second point is noticing when these critical moments occur. For example, does impulsivity come up in the context of being overly emotional or reacting to certain situations? Do alcohol or drugs contribute to impulsive choices?
  • Breath! Practice the art of taking a breath BEFORE jumping into all the yelling and screaming.
  • Come up with a signal or word with those close to you that tells you this would be a good time to pause. For example, have someone give you the time-out hand signal if you begin to interrupt or blurt during a conversation.
  • Practice mindfulness meditation. This can be so hard for those with ADHD. It’s called practice for a reason. Paying attention to our own physical and emotional triggers and responses is critical in knowing when to hit the pause button.
  • A helpful mantra might be “Just think about it.”

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What can coaching do for you? It can help in:

  1. Identifying your specific strengths and weaknesses
  2. Setting realistic goals
  3. Learning to prioritize
  4. Finding tips and tools to stay on track and meet deadlines
  5. Utilizing coping strategies without giving up; becoming more resilient
  6. Improving organizational and time management skills
  7. Self-motivating and ending procrastination
  8. Setting up your life according to your needs
  9. Improving self-care, such as exercise and nutrition
  10. Creating self-confidence, self-compassion and ending negative self-talk

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  1. Don’t dismiss anything as impossible. Imaginary boundaries, or in other words, our beliefs about what is possible, hold us back. Think of when an athlete breaks a world record.  Everyone believes it is impossible before he breaks the record. Now the bar has been raised, or the boundaries expanded, and other athletes use what they know is possible as newfound motivation. Their beliefs of what is possible have shifted. It is when we know something, we strive for greater possibilities. People who see possibilities beyond what everyone else knows are the people who believe anything is possible. They are the people who achieve what everyone else believes is impossible.
  2. Be certain you can overcome any obstacle. Deal with each obstacle one at a time until they have zero effect on your life.  Ask for help. Try a new approach. Be 100% confident the work to knock those obstacles out of your way are worth the reward of achieving your goal and purpose. Imagine two pictures. The first, what does your life look like if you do nothing and let those obstacles win? Second, what does your life look like after you’ve overcome those obstacles and are reaping the rewards…what are the rewards? Go knock those obstacles down! Your reward is waiting!
  3. You’ve got a new opportunity or an idea, you must take action now!  Intention isExtraordinary ADHD Life great, but action gets results! You don’t own a goal until you take action. One action leads to another action. A series of actions creates momentum. But you’re wondering, what if I make a mistake? We’re human. It is likely to happen. We make a wrong turn. We eventually find our way back. What did you learn on your detour? Take your new wisdom and knowledge with you to your next action. Don’t let a wrong turn slow your momentum. By taking action and staying in action, the universe recognizes your intentions and opens up opportunities you never considered.
  4. Do away with procrastination once and for all! Procrastination is a limiting belief (remember limiting beliefs in number 1?) that taking action now will be more painful than doing nothing now. Procrastination can destroy your chance to take advantage of an opportunity. Your opportunity becomes a missed opportunity. If you wait too long, showing up as your best-self is put in jeopardy. There is nothing to gain in waiting. Act now!
  5. Get clear on what you really want in life! Determine the best path to your goal. Focus on your actions, but leave the vision of your completed goal and its rewards as the backdrop. Get tripped up in the actions? Losing momentum? Focus on the backdrop. Imagine how it feels to live your life with the rewards of achieving your goal. Now, get back in action!

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