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Coach Carlene

To put it simply, imposter syndrome is the fear of being found out. 

You fear that if you are found out, that you’ll be labeled, judged and rejected. You fear you won’t be taken seriously. 

In response to this fear you do 1 of 3 things. 

#1 You strive.

You grind out your work out day after day to stay one step ahead of this jury that is going to find you out and cast judgment. You perform and hustle so that no one can tell you that you don’t belong. Striving is an exhausting way to live.

#2 You hide.

If you can’t strive and perform, you hide and pretend. You put more emphasis on your appearance than your performance.

You may use apathy to hide. Apathy is a shield. You tell yourself, you really don’t want it. It’s as if you’re running away from something you never wanted so bad. You use apathy to protect yourself from caring because if you care, you might be found out and you might get hurt. 

Some people use anger and sarcasm to hide. You make excuses why you’re not showing up. You blame others. You justify your lack of progress. 

#3 You quit.

If you can’t strive or hide, you simply quit.

What’s your response to imposter syndrome? Strive, hide, or quit?

Clearly, not one of those things is helping you one bit. So what should you do instead?

This is how to outsmart imposter syndrome.

#1 Instead of striving, check your expectations. 

Imposter syndrome sets wildly unrealistic expectations and when they aren’t met it proves you’re an imposter. 

Instead, aim high, but aim true. You should have high expectations. But be the best YOU, not the best somebody else.

Ask “What are my expectations?” 

It slows you down to check in on what is really going on. Maybe your expectations are unrealistic. Like, thinking you should have Instant expertise or a flawless performance, or get a standing ovation.

#2 Instead of hiding, show-up.

Show up with your mistakes, your failures. 

Remember when you show-up, it will either be a success or be a story.

When you share your failures, you remove imposter syndrome’s teeth. So share your story. Share what you learned. Your experiences, good and bad, are meant to be shared. The scars you share are a gift to others because you went first. 

What’s a challenge or struggle you need to share with someone? What’s something you need to share to prevent you from hiding?

#3 Instead of quitting, do the work.

This is the most effective way to beat imposter syndrome. 

The only difference between imposter and imposter syndrome is the work. It doesn’t mean you need to become an expert to stop feeling like an imposter. But you just have to be faithful to the work. 

  • Do you write? You’re a real writer.
  • Do you parent? You’re a real mom.
  • Do you run? You’re a real runner.
  • Do you sell a product or service? You’re a real entrepreneur.
  • Do you show houses? You’re a real real estate agent.
  • If you do the work, you tell imposter syndrome to shut up.

Spend 15 minutes doing your work.

You never want imposter syndrome to go away.Imposter syndrome is a sign you’ve stepped out of your comfort zone. 

Here’s the great thing.

When you grab onto those things that make you uncomfortable and do the work, you now have something to add to your comfort zone. 

Use imposter syndrome to verify and celebrate that you’re doing something new and scary. Recognize imposter syndrome, thank it and keep going.

Many of us are doing plenty of visualizations every day.

I’m sure you can remember a time when you worried so much about something that it actually happened.

The problem is that most of us are doing visualizations to create the life we don’t want; we are often using it to imagine the worst outcomes of things or worrying about the future.

Interestingly, research By Guang Yue, an Exercise Psychologist at the Cleveland Clinic Foundation in Ohio, has found that people who imagine themselves performing a task, improve their performance in that task without physically doing anything. 

Many athletes including Olympians use it to excel in their sports. Elite athletes use techniques like guided imagery and scripting in their training to do everything from simulate practice, to overcome fear, and even recover from an injury.

What is visualization?

Generally speaking, visualization means creating a mental image of a goal you would like to accomplish in the future. You use your thoughts to imagine a certain outcome, and what you will do to get it. 

Despite popular belief, visualizing isn’t about wishing and hoping something will happen. That’s fantasy. Effective visualization is future-oriented but grounded in reality.

There are huge benefits when you use visualization.

According to psychologists, visualization helps you:

  • Master a new skills.
  • Achieve difficult goals.
  • Improve confidence, courage and resilience. 
  • Improve memory & recall, focus, concentration & energy regulation. 

It also helps you to:

  • Calm down when you feel anxious or stressed.
  • Think creatively to brainstorm possible solutions and strategies.
  • Improve athletic performance and strength.

If you’re anything like me, you shied away from the practice or dismissed it as non-scientific. Well, here’s all the proof you need.

The science of visualization

It turns out that the mind can’t distinguish between imagination and reality.

When you have a thought, it triggers the same cascade of neurochemicals, regardless of whether you are thinking about the past, present, or future. Your brain is stimulated the same way whether you’re physically performing an action or simply visualizing it happening in your mind’s eye.

When you think about yourself nailing a presentation or feeling a wave of pride after finishing a big project, your body and brain perceive that as being real in the present moment, even though it’s a far-off goal.

The neurochemicals stimulated go on to affect your motor control, attention, and planning, which spur you into action. Because neurons that fire together wire together, this process of imagining future outcomes creates new neural networks in your brain that help you form new beliefs, take new actions, and adopt new perspectives. 

Take Control of Your RASS

In particular, visualization stimulates an area of the brain called the Reticular Activating System, which, put simply, scans your environment looking for new opportunities. That’s why when you start thinking about getting a new job or wanting to land a new client, suddenly new opportunities come your way. Your brain is scanning for them. Then, you take action on the newly available options and creative solutions you’re able to see.

Here’s another way of thinking of the Reticular Activating System RAS. Your brain is a gigantic detective. It is a filter. I just said your RAS is looking for new opportunities. Well, it is also constantly looking for evidence. It filters information. It lets certain information in, and blocks out other information. And guess who programmed that filter? You did and the people from your past. 

If you’re constantly feeling like you’re unlovable, then your reticular activating system is going through the day looking for proof of that. It will find every piece of evidence that confirms that limiting belief you have. 

If you think people don’t like you at work your RAS is constantly looking for evidence to confirm that belief all day long. It protects your brain from not letting everything in and only letting in stuff it agrees with.

This is why it’s so important to start reprogramming our RAS. You can reprogram your RAS to filter in meaningful, helpful information.

4-Step Visualization Method

According to science, you have to do visualization using this 4 step method. 

Think about a goal you have and move through the following steps.
Goal, Effort, Problem Solving, Emotions

For example, if your goal is to improve your self-worth I want you to visualize what your life looks like and how you’re going to feel about yourself when your self-worth has improved. 

Step 1. Visualize the goal.

Specifically, visualize the outcome of your goal. Close your eyes and in your mind have a specific picture of what it looks like in your life when your self-worth has improved. You may see yourself speaking up at work, you’ll see yourself talking more about your business, see yourself leaving a bad relationship, defining boundaries, going to the gym, taking care of yourself. 

Step 2. Visualize the effort

Visualize yourself doing the work to achieve your goal. For example, a writer can visualize sitting down to write for an hour every morning as a way of boosting their performance on that habit. Like a skier visualizing engaging her core, visualizing the work that goes into writing a book can be as important—or even more so—as holding the finished hardback in one’s hand.

Step 3. Visualize yourself problem solving

As you start to think about the future, worries will inevitably arise. All those “what-if’s”, fears, and anxieties will rise to the surface. When they do, use them as tools to make your vision more flexible. These are called “implementation intentions”. Think through the barriers that you might encounter, both internal(confidence, energy, etc.) and external (time, money, etc). Then, visualize how you’ll respond to each roadblock. 

Here’s an example: I’m horribly uncoordinated and fearful of tripping over myself when I speak. Instead of letting that thought hold me back, I visualize the absolute worst case scenario (falling on my face) and what I would actually do if that came to pass (pick myself up and make a joke about it). I mentally walk through exactly what I would say — even how I’d breath to lessen the panic.

You can use an “If-then” framework to work through these scenarios: “If I fall on my face, then I’ll pick myself up and make a joke about it.” or “If the phone rings during my writing hour, then I’ll ignore it and check for messages later.”

Step 4. Visualize your emotions

When you start to visualize, I want you to consciously think of the positive emotions you’re going to experience. I’m going to feel happy, proud, to stand taller, going to be so grateful that I made this change.

Marrying the specific image with the emotions lets you see, there I am, getting a promotion, signing a new client, going back to school, being happy not in that abusive relationship, there I am happy. When you do this, you are training your brain to have a totally different filter. 

Final Thoughts

You can try all the hacks out there, but if you keep picturing yourself failing, you will. Picture the goal, picture yourself doing the work and problem solving, and picture how you’re going to feel when you succeed. Watch how things turn around for you when you do.

It’s a strange thing because we are taught from childhood that we should apologize. “Say you’re sorry”, your parents told you.

But, what we didn’t learn is that apologies aren’t appropriate in every situation and can harm our sense of self-worth.

It’s a skill to use these powerful words when they’re necessary. And it’s a skill to be mindful when we’re misusing them and break the I’m sorry habit. When we do, our confidence and self-worth grows by leaps and bounds.

Here’s the truth off what happens when you misuse the words I’m sorry; it makes others feel you don’t feel good about yourself and actually reinforces your feelings of self-doubt.

Research described in the book You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation indicates that “excessive” apologizing — like apologizing when you really don’t need to — can make others feel you lack competence or confidence.

Here are the 4 Truths of the I’m Sorry Habit

Truth #1

Saying I’m sorry is your way of seeking reassurance.

I’m sorry if I talk too much.
I’m sorry by house is a mess.

This puts others on the spot to make you feel better. Notice how many times you say I’m sorry today. It’s exhausting and annoying for others to constantly reassure you.

If your messy house doesn’t bother YOU, that is all that matters. Love yourself enough to not need that validation from others.

Truth #2

Saying I’m sorry makes you and your needs smaller.

I’m sorry I’m so high maintenance.
I’m sorry I’m exhausted and can’t make it tonight.

When you apologize for your existence, you belittle your needs.

So, you were unable to meet up with a friend because you got sick and of course you said, “I’m sorry.”

Whoa, whoa, whoa!!!

As if being ill is some negative virtue.

Or maybe, when you’ve been overworked and just want to relax you apologized for needing your own space. In reality, your friends weren’t offended or disappointed with you at all.

Remember, you aren’t a mind-reader. So stop assuming you know what others are thinking.

And most likely, if a friend couldn’t hang out because of exhaustion, you would understand without an apology.

Truth #3

Saying I’m sorry is your way of people-pleasing.

I’m sorry I can’t make it.
I’m sorry I can’t donate to that cause.

When you apologize, you’re hoping someone says, “It’s okay.”

You don’t want to disappoint people. You want to help them. You want people to like you.

You don’t need to apologize when someone asks you to do something you don’t want to do. You don’t need to apologize for things you don’t have time to do, or attend, or accomplish, when other people ask. And you definitely don’t need to explain yourself. You can simply say “No” or “No thanks.”

According to psychologist Marsha M. Lineman, apologizing hinders us from building mutual respect. On your end, it is unhealthy to apologize for simply not wanting to do something or having a different opinion. Practicing the art of the unapologetic “No” will help you instill self-respect.

Remember, turning yourself into a doormat doesn’t help you one bit. Other people don’t learn to respect your time or your words. After all, how assertive does a no sound when you throw a bunch of sorries around it?

Truth #4

Saying I’m sorry gives your power away.

I’m sorry but I have a question.
I’m sorry but I see it differently.

This makes you appear weak. Don’t be sorry for needing something more. Maybe the person offering the original explanation wasn’t really clear. When you apologize you make yourself small or wrong. It’s not about placing blame.

If you need clarity on something, ask with confidence. Don’t preface it with “I’ve got a question.” It sounds like you’re asking for permission to ask the question. Simply, ask the question.

Practice asserting your position and staying strong. Don’t apologize when you are rejecting a proposal, disagreeing with an idea or simply standing your ground in a conversation.

How Do You Stop Apologizing?

Start saying thank you instead of I’m sorry.

Instead of I’m sorry I’m late. Say, Thank you for your patience.
Instead of I’m sorry I’m gluten free, say, Thank you for accommodating my order.

Saying thank you is how you take your power back. You’re acknowledging that you have needs and you appreciate people seeing them and helping you fulfill them. Once you start doing this, you’ll be surprised how much better you feel about yourself.

When Should You Apologize?

Saying you’re sorry when you’ve done something wrong? That’s different.

We all make mistakes. We all do things we need to apologize for: words, actions, omissions, failing to step up, step in, or show support.

In fact, admitting you’re wrong takes confidence and shows leadership.

If you’ve done something wrong, the first thing you should say is “I’m sorry.” The last thing you should do is add a disclaimer, like “But I was really mad because…” or “But I did think you were…” or include any statement in any way placing even the smallest amount of blame back on the other person.

Be certain that your apology is about them. There’s a huge difference between saying “I’m sorry you’re so sensitive” and “I’m sorry I upset you by saying X, Y. and Z.”

When you do something wrong you need to apologize.

Wrapping It Up

A lot of your apologies are unnecessary. Apologizing for your humanity, for getting sick, for being exhausted isn’t healthy. Be mindful and ask yourself if you’d want someone else to apologize in the same situation.

Motivation is a weird thing. Most of us feel like we either have tons of motivation or other times motivation is nowhere to be found and we are trapped in a spiral of procrastination.

There are two reasons why you can’t find motivation.

REASON #1: You’re waiting for motivation to magically find you.

One of the most surprising things about motivation is that it often comes after starting a task or taking action, not before.

Motivation is often the result of action, not the cause of it.

Getting started even in very small ways, is a form of active inspiration that naturally produces motivation.

You’ve heard of Newton’s first law of Motion?

“Objets in motion stay in motion…”

Once a task has begun, it’s easier to continue moving it forward.

You don’t need much motivation one you’ve started a task. Nearly all of the friction in a task is at the beginning. After you start, you gain momentum and make progress. It is often easier to finish a task than it is to start it in the first place.

You don’t have to be motivated to get through the stuff you don’t feel like doing. You just need to start.

Stop thinking you have to be motivated to take any action. Pay the bills, send that email, go to the gym. You’re not going to be moved to do it. But, if you take one small step to start, the motivation will come.

At some point, it’s easier to change than to stay the same. It’s easier to take action and feel insecure working out than to sit on the couch disappointed in yourself. It’s easier to feel awkward doing that presentation than to get fired from your job.

Remember, every choice has a price. Somehow we cross a mental threshold – usually after weeks of procrastination and in the face of a deadline – and it becomes more painful to not do the work than to actually do it.

Bottom line:

Start. Take one small step and YOU create motivation. Stop waiting for motivation to magically appear.

And now, the second reason you can’t find motivation.

REASON #2: You look for external motivators.

Let’s look at the word motivation.

Mot – means to move.

What moves you to do what you do; to make sacrifices, to choose good over poor habits, to do it when it’s uncomfortable?

The foundation of YOUR motivation is understanding who you are and what you want.

Motivation is an inside job. You can only find it inside of yourself.

Don’t look externally for motivation. It won’t be there when you need it.

Looking at what someone else is doing may persuade you, may engage you, may get you going temporarily.

You can use what you see others doing to ask yourself, “How can I tap into that for myself?” This moves you to discover who you want to be and what you want.

Being inspired, encouraged and celebrated isn’t the same as sustaining internal motivation.

Looking outside of yourself, at others, for something that will sustain you and last is a set-up.

Constantly looking to other people to motivate you keeps you stuck in the cycle of disappointment. It’s now your job to figure out what you want, who you are and what it’s going to be that moves you ?

Bottom line:

You need to find your WHY.

Something has to move you to do the things you need and want to do. Ask yourself:

  • What does move me?
  • Why am I not moved to do this thing?
  • Do I believe that I’m not worthy of the thing I want?
  • Why is this important to me?
  • Who benefits from me doing this thing?
  • How will things be different once I do it?

When you do the work to discover your WHY or WHY’s, your motivation is always there for you. It’s internal and it’s yours to motivate you day after day.

So I leave you with this?

What moves you?

Where to Go From Here

If you’re looking for a way to move forward on something you’ve been putting of because you don’t feel ready, you’re afraid of failing or you doubt yourself at every turn, hop on the waitlist for my course so you can be the first to know when the doors open for enrollment.

UNDAUNTED: The Art of Taking Action Even If You Doubt Yourself

Whether you’re starting and growing a business, making a career change, starting a new relationship, writing a book, or any other goal, they all require risk, nerve and a lot of courage, before confidence ever shows up.

But you need more than the knowledge and the skills.

“Success in life is 80% psychology and 20% mechanics – what you do doesn’t matter if you aren’t in the right mindset.”

Tony Robbins

Remember your thoughts create feelings ➡️ feeling create actions ➡️ and actions create results.

You have to stop thinking about your past fears, failures, mistakes and embarrassments. And this is why it’s so hard to do that.

“You think 60,000 to 70,000 thoughts every day, and 90% of those thoughts are the same thoughts as the day before.”

Dr. Joe Dispenza

This statistic completely blew.my.mind because it really hones in on the fact that what you thought yesterday is what’s holding you back today.

The way we think is a habit. And we can change habits. We can change the way we think.

YOU have the power to change your trajectory simply by saying “stop” to the thousands of thoughts that come today that didn’t serve you yesterday.

Here are 3 mindset shifts to help you hit your goals.

#1. Move from “I’m a fraud and they’re gonna find me out, “ to “Feeling like an imposter is normal when I do something new. “

Imposter syndrome is a regular visitor. It never goes away. Use it as a way to remind yourself that you’re putting yourself out there – that you feel this way because you are acting courageously and doing something new even though you don’t have all the answers and you don’t feel ready. Don’t use it as an excuse to stop.

Stop believing everything you think. Here’s how:

Acknowledge your credibility and success.

What’s something you’ve accomplished in your life that makes you feel proud? Feel that, acknowledge that. You have a track record of success. When you acknowledge that it’s easier to NOT to believe everything you think.

Be aware of the stories you tell yourself.

If you’re stuck in the story that you’re not credible or you’re not that original or you’re not going to be successful, that’s exactly where you’ll stay.

If you look at the proof of your credibility and accomplishments, you can use that to reframe your story that you are in fact successful, credible, and unique. Then you’ll start to show up with confidence.

Get out of your head and into your heart.

It’s hard to think you’re a fraud if you believe in what you’re doing and why you’re doing it.

If you’ve lost your WHY, revisit it now.

What was important about this goal when you started it? What excited you about it? Who are you serving? How will your life be different once you accomplish your goal?

Tap back into the heart of the matter and make the decision to move forward based on your WHY instead of the garbage thoughts of fear and self-doubt.

#2 Move from “I’ll just test the waters,” to “I’m going ALL IN even though I’m scared.”

It isn’t about making your first million or having a New York Times Best Seller right out of the gate. In the beginning it’s about you actually showing up and committing to playing a bigger game.

Go all in no matter how scared you are.

Playing small looks like – I’ll just send out a few emails or I’ll take a course on how to write a book, is only delaying your success – success that’s inevitable if you show up, if you do the work, if you put yourself out there and don’t give up.

Create weekly content, collaborate with others in your industry, create a habit to write every morning, invite that person to dinner.

It’s too easy to just sit on the sidelines. You may be doing enough to get by. But you’re not working on the big thing that could really move the needle.

So, stop making excuses.

Stop dabbling in your dreams.

Play full out.

#3 Move from “I gotta get it perfect,” to “Good is good enough.”

Stop overthinking everything and giving in to perfectionism.

Perfectionism is nothing more than procrastination. Yes, there are a million decisions to make related to your goal. You put off making any decisions because it’s all so overwhelming.

But remember, not making a decision is making a decision. You’ve made the choice to NOT try. To NOT go all in. To NOT move forward.

Here’s the underlying truth; making the decision isn’t the hard part. It’s the fear of the outcome, the fear of getting it wrong, the fear of anything less than the perfect right decision.

Here are a couple ways to move to this mindset of “Good is Good Enough.”

Become a Learner

Successful people aren’t perfect and they don’t always get it right. But they are learners.

You aren’t perfect and you have permission to not always be great, not always get it right, as long as you commit to being a learner.

Coach Yourself Through the Doubt

Ask yourself, if you did know what to do, what would you do?

Answer it, and then do it.!

It’s time to give yourself permission to do B+ work and take perfectionism off the table.

WRAPPING IT UP

Keep showing up. Your confidence will build over time.

Think about your first day on the new job you had. You didn’t know the systems, the people, or even where the bathroom was. But 6 months later, you solved a complicated problem, and you got a “well-done” from your boss. Things started to take shape.

And the same thing happens when you’re taking action on your goals. Once you start doing the stuff, you start figuring it out because you keep showing up.

Action and consistency will help create more confidence in you and your abilities to hit your goals.

Focus on the future you want and commit to taking the necessary steps to get there.

Is your planning system working for you? If not, check out my mini-course,

The Fail Proof Planning System

You gotta be realistic. You’re going to make mistakes. You’re only human. You’re going to fail.

And yes, it can be frustrating seeing everyone around you succeed while you’re having setbacks.

So what do you do when the person that you’re disappointed in is you?

There are 3 unhealthy go-to responses to feeling disappointed in yourself.

#1 Punishing Yourself

When you’re experiencing frustration with your choices, you punish yourself by not allowing yourself to enjoy good things, rejecting others’ praise or engaging in negative self-talk. – to name a few.

#2 Avoidance

Sometimes when you’re disappointed in yourself, you choose denial as a response. You decide avoidance is best. It’s best to not talk about your failure, to pretend that it never happened.

Denying either that you ever set the goal in the first place or that you strayed from it will not help you improve or achieve future results. You must be honest with yourself (and others, where appropriate) if you want to grow.

#3 Giving Up

Giving up is so easy to do when you set goals for yourself and don’t complete them. When you’re faced with your own failures it’s sooooo easy to give up. You are harsh and judgmental with yourself.

It’s as if you’ve decided that only complete perfection is worth striving for. One mistake or failure is enough to disqualify the value of all your efforts. And that’s simply not true.

It’s normal to not always meet your own expectations, even when you’ve set realistic goals. But an “all or nothing” approach is not going to move you forward.

Here are 6 Healthy Ways to Bounce Back After Letting Yourself Down

#1 Accept What Happened

It’s part of grief, part of life, and yes, a part of disappointment.

The first step to getting over any shame or embarrassment is to simply accept what went wrong.

Avoiding or glossing over it won’t help you move on.

If you need a good long cry, go for it. (Been there.) If you want to wallow for a few hours, you’re entitled. (Been there, too.) But then it’s time to brush yourself off and figure out exactly where things went wrong.

Simply saying to yourself, “I’m disappointed because I didn’t meet the goal I set for myself,” might make you see that this big issue isn’t the overwhelming monster you believe it to be – it’s actually a series of events that you can learn from.

#2 Be Your Own Best Friend

It’s easy to judge yourself in these situations, but let’s take one or two steps to find a new perspective.

If your friend came to you with the same issue – she was disappointed in herself for not having a stellar quarterly review, or bombing open-mic night – what would you say to her?

Probably not, ‘I’m so disappointed in you. You can do better. “

Rather, you’d be supportive and kind and listen to exactly what went wrong.

Treating yourself and your disappointment like a close friend can help ease the blame and help you practice more self-compassion.

#3 Change the Soundtrack Playing In Your Head

If you’re feeling disappointed, it’s only natural that your thoughts run amuck to the land of self-doubt where every thought you have reinforces that feeling that you let yourself down again.

It’s so easy to believe everything you think. But, you have to know, thoughts are not facts. So, stop believing everything you think.

Here’s how:

  • Instead of thinking, “I’m a failure,” think, “I’m a work in progress.”
  • Instead of thinking, “It never works out for me,” think, “I’m getting closer every day.”
  • Instead of thinking, “I can’t handle this,” think, “It’s here to teach me something.”
  • Instead of thinking, “I can’t do it,” think, “I’ll never know until I try.”

Disappointment is only the enemy when you give it all the power through your thoughts and words. Make disappointment your friend and you’ll be amazed at what you learn.

#4 Do an Honest Review

To make positive changes, you most definitely need to spend some time reflecting on what went right, and what went wrong.

Ask yourself questions about why and how you disappointed yourself. How did the circumstances affect your choices? Do your goals or the implementation need to be reexamined?

Take this time to learn more about yourself, your tendencies and what you want to do.

There are so many lessons to learn from these huge or little blips of disappointment.

The first major lesson?

You know what NOT to do next time.

When you’ve passed the “acceptance” stage, start to figure out where things went wrong by asking yourself these questions:

  • Did you give yourself enough time?
  • Did you do the necessary prep work?
  • Did you set clear boundaries?
  • Did you ask for help?

Digging into these questions will expose any of the flaws in your plan. Instead of saying “Oh well, I guess it didn’t work out the way I wanted it to,” or beating yourself up, you’ll be armed with knowledge and be able to pivot.

#5 Use It

Understanding where your plan went sideways is crucial to plotting your next big endeavor.

We’ve all heard it, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over agin and expecting a different result.”

But see, now you’re not going to do the same thing over and over again! Look at all you’ve learned from reviewing the entire situation! Yes, you’ve learned from this disappointing experience.

So, now that you understand how you ended up in this situation, you can make a plan to get back on track and avoid disappointing yourself in the future.

Your plan should be realistic to the demands of your life and involve small, attainable steps for you to get there.

Think ahead of potential challenges that could derail your goals and how you will tackle them. Set yourself up for future success.

#6 Realize This Is All Just Because You Care

Ah, yes, the most important lesson of all:

The thing about being disappointed is that it reveals what you actually care about.

You wouldn’t be so upset if you weren’t invested in the outcome, and that in of itself is a great thing.

Disappointment can act like a radar system, pinpointing exactly where you are – and where you want to be.

While you might feel like shying away from it if things aren’t turning out your way, listen to your instincts. You’re disappointed because you care, and that passion is what will keep you moving forward.

Final Thoughts

When you take the time to learn from your disappointment, you’ll be more prepared the next time a challenge comes up.

If you are disappointed in your actions, use that disappointment as motivation to find a solution and try again. Use your disappointment as a catalyst to make good choices. What matters in this moment is how you choose to move forward.

When I was growing up I kept a pretty, pink diary hidden under my mattress. And of course, it had a lock on it. OMG, I would’ve died if anyone read my deepest thoughts, dreams, and worries. And I’m sure there were some secret crushes in there that absolutely had to remain secret.

Keeping that diary was so good for me and I wish I would have never stopped “paper-thinking” – or today it’s called journaling.

The last few years have taken its toll on me (and I’m sure you can relate) so I started journaling and it’s brought me so much clarity, and reduced my stress and anxiety.

So I want to share with you the 5 Step Technique that makes journaling easy – that won’t leave you staring at a blank page.

All of my fellow journalers already know this.

Getting your thoughts out of your brain and onto a piece of paper is often all the relief you need. Thinking about what you are thinking about on paper is sometimes just enough to allow you to stop the spinning thoughts in your head.

Now, you might think that journaling is just figuring out the garbage that you are thinking about during the day. Yes, that is one way to journal. But there’s more.

Journaling can basically be broken down into 7 categories.

  1. Your past
  2. Other people
  3. Things in the world
  4. Yourself
  5. Your future
  6. Gratitude
  7. Goals

All of these are things you can journal and write about.

So many of us sit around thinking all kinds of garbage about journaling. When you hear, “you need to journal,” do you think…

Ugh, journaling takes too long,

I don’t know what to write about,

This aint gonna help me do the darn thing,

I’m scared of what I might uncover,

I’m so ashamed of what I think so I’d rather not do it,

I don’t seem to go deep enough?

Here’s the problem. If you don’t change your attitude about journaling, you’ll be denying yourself major breakthroughs, a path to finally doing the things you’ve been too afraid to do.

We all got mental baggage that we can’t see throughout the day. But, the problem isn’t the baggage. The problem is leaving our baggage unchecked and unsupervised each day.

When you don’t see your default thinking on paper that means you get to see your default thinking coming true in your life in the form of self-sabotage, overthinking, or worrying.

And when I say paper, I mean actual paper that you write on with a pen or pencil. I don’t want you to type on your computer. I want you to write it with your hand. I mean, call me old school, but there is something powerful about sitting in a quiet room with a notebook on your lap and physically writing it down. Studies have shown your are having a deeper experience than when you’re just typing it. I’m not going to quote the studies, but I promise they’re out there.

So, here’s how I set up my routine. It’s very simple. I’m committed to ten minutes of journaling 3-4 days a week. I’m working up to 5 days. Yes, I absolutely could do longer than 10 minutes, and sometimes I do. But you have to set yourself up for success. So for me, 10 minutes is something I know I can do and a short-enough period of time that I will not let myself make any excuses not to do it.

Here’s the 5-Step Journaling Technique I use.

Step 1: Observe

The whole point of journaling is to just notice what you’re thinking about in any give situation. You want to ask questions that will get your brain willing to respond, like;

What problem am I trying to solve? What are the things I’m worried about today?

Another great way to get your thoughts going and get words on the page is to make a gratitude list because you want to explore some of the great things that are happening in your life, too.

You could also start with your to-do list for the day. Then ask yourself, “What are my thoughts about getting this done today? What are the easiest things to do? What are the most important things I could do from this list?

Remember, journaling for today can literally be three sentences about what you’re thinking. You just want to notice what’s coming up for you.

Step 2: Accept

A lot of people are judgmental of their thinking. I am one of them. When they observe their own thoughts, they start saying judgmental things to themselves like, “I’m ridiculous,” or “What’s wrong with me?” “Okay, listen. This is terrible. But I was thinking…”

Listen here. It’s not terrible.

Everyone has thoughts that don’t necessarily serve them. It’s not weird and it’s certainly nothing to be ashamed of. Give yourself some grace. And when you do this, it takes the pressure off of journaling, meaning no thought is “bad”, anything goes, and it allows you to start taking some authority over this process of getting your thoughts and feelings onto paper.

Step 3: Neutralize

This is when you take all the inflammatory language out of your thoughts.

Instead of thinking and writing.

“Ill never be able to grow my business,” you instead want to write something like, “I’m in the process of trying to grow my business.”

You want to take everything down a notch. Take a look at the thoughts that you have that are highly charged with emotion and highly triggering.

I’ll go over my notes at the end. I’ll look for adjectives and adverbs and descriptors, and literally cross them out.

The goal is to strip your thinking down to a neutral place because it allows you to see more of the facts.

When the emotional charge is removed, you’re able to start thinking from a clean slate, which is way more productive and so much better for your mental health.

Step 4: Recalibrate

Ask yourself, “What’s my next best thought?

If you’re thinking something like, “I’ll never be able to build my business,” and then you neutralize that to “I’m building a business,” your next best thought might be, “I am doing all the things I need to do to build my business right now.” So your next best thought is, “I’m in it. I’m doing it. This is happening.”

Step 5: Activate

Ask yourself, “What’s the next move I can make?”

It could be, to just let it go and stop worrying about things you can’t control. Or it could be, I’m going to call that person I’ve always wanted to collaborate with for my business.

Answer it. No excuses. And do it!

Your Next Steps

That’s it, friend!

I don’t want you to get to the end of your journaling practice where you just feel bad. I’ve been there. It’s like I just literally threw up on the page and I’m journaling all the challenges I’m worried and frustrated about. I don’t feel like it was cathartic. I feel like I just complained for ten minutes.

That’s why I make sure I do this 5-Step Technique, especially when I’m having a really hard time, and I put a lot of negativity on the page. I know I’m going to gently massage these thoughts into something factual, honest, and actionable.

If journaling isn’t part of your daily practice right now, I want you to look at your calendar and schedule 10 minutes – that’s it – 10 minutes to work through the process.

It takes some time to get used to, and you don’t have to do it for every journaling session. But I really do believe that it makes a huge difference.

Now, there is one final thing I’d love for you to do, whether you’re new to journaling or not. Take out your journal and write down the 5 steps on the inside cover or somewhere so you’ll see them. (Observe, Accept, Neutralize, Recalibrate, and Activate)

Do you ever feel like you don’t have enough time to make it through your to-do list?

Me too.

The size difference between what I need to do and how much time I had in the day used to drive me bonkers.

But then I realized something helpful. I’ll always have more ideas, more projects, more tasks and more dreams than I can possibly accomplish on the to-do list.

That’s not failure.

That just means my imagination is bigger than my calendar. No puny calendar is a match for my ability to create new ideas and projects.
What freedom that is!

So, I thought I’d share 3 ways that I manage my huge imagination and encourage you to keep dreaming and imagining.

#1. Get your ideas out of your head.

Everything doesn’t have to go on your calendar. I know, I know. How many times have I preached about having a plan?

Here’s the truth. Not every idea is meant to come to life. Maybe it’s simply an idea that will lead to another, and another and finally another idea that you will bring to life.

Get a notebook or an app on your phone, and write down these creative ideas to get them out of your head. As long as an idea is in your head, it’s taking a little bit of your attention. Keep a rolling list, and trust yourself to look at the list later and take action.

Don’t overcomplicate it. The goal is to be able to capture ideas anytime, any place. The act of writing it down might also be enough to make it stick in your memory.

#2. Tap into your creative energy.

Decide which idea you will explore first.

  • Which idea gets your heart racing?
  • Which idea have you shared with someone because, well, it’s THAT good?
  • Which idea is screaming, “Pick me, pick me.”?

Don’t overthink it. Listen to your gut. Pick one and get started.

Here’s a little secret. You don’t need to schedule a time to work on the idea you choose – unless you really NEED to.

Instead, dive in when you’re feeling that creative energy. If you’re more creative at night, do it then. Pay attention to the times of day your creativity is at its’ peak.

Sometimes, you’ve got to let your energy guide you to where you want to be spending your time.

#3. Let it go.

It’s okay to flirt with multiple ideas. After all, flirting is harmless.

But if you find yourself starting a hundred things and never finishing, try this.

Before starting a new idea, ask yourself these questions about the idea you have already started.

  • Am I still interested in this?
  • Does this excite me?
  • Why is this important?
  • What have I learned since I started this, that has change my energy around it? For example, you discovered you don’t have the money, time, expertise or you’ve learned the results would be harmful or goes against your values.

If your answers are telling you that your heart isn’t in it anymore that’s okay.

Cross it off your idea list, and call it done.

When we don’t finish something we are too quick to say ” I failed”. Not motivating at all. Instead, you need to “call it” – GAME OVER! Move on to something else. Give yourself that closure and move on to your next big idea.

Remember, you are a creative being. Share your ideas with others. Think the craziest things. Let your imagination run wild.

Being introverted is hard – especially when the world is set up for extroverts. The expectation is that you be an extrovert, and if you’re not, well, be one anyway.

It’s crazy because they’ve found that the most effective leaders are introverts. That introverts are creative and change the world. Some of these introverts include Steve Jobs, Barack Obama, Bill Gates, Isaac Newton, and Van Gogh.

People think being introverted means you are shy, anti-social and boring.

Not true. Being introverted doesn’t mean we’re not outgoing, it means we focus more on inner thoughts and ideas.

Extroverts get energized by others, whereas we recharge through solitude.

Yes, the truth is that introverts are misunderstood. It’s up to us, to clear up this confusion.

Did you know that only 1 out of 3 people are introverts? Shout out to all my fellow introverts.

Research has found that introverts have a thicker prefrontal cortex than extroverts, which is linked to deeper thought, problem-solving and planning.

Introverts have more thoughtful and meaningful relationships than extroverts do. While extroverts love conversations, introverts think before they speak, leading to slower, more thoughtful communication.

Of course, this can be frustrating for our extrovert friends. And it can leave us introverts in the dust, never saying what we want to say because the conversation has moved on.

As an introvert, you can still be highly successful, no matter what field of work you’re in. Trust me on this one.

There’s tons of books out there on the differences between extroverts and introverts. But the goal of this post is to share with you 6 ways that I thrive as an introvert in this extroverted world. My hope is they will help you thrive too.

#1. Feel the feelings

Tell yourself, “I’m okay. This dread that I’m feeling is just because I’m stepping out of my comfort zone. But I know the rewards will far outweigh the dread.”

That’s the thing. You let yourself feel the dread, the worry, the uncomfortable awkwardness, the uncertainty, the feeling of being less than. Tell yourself, “I promise, it’s going to be so worth it.”

Are you willing to feel the feelings that are not the most desirable? The word that’s most important here is willing willing to feel icky feelings to get you to where you want to be? And if you just answered yes, my friend, you are golden.

#2. Manage your energy

You know you can only do so much of these types of things that zap your energy. Set boundaries about how often you do things that you know will leave you exhausted.

Also, after any event or interaction, really any situation where you’re putting yourself out there, you just need to block some time to be alone and just hide out for a few moments or a day afterwards, depending on the situation. Plan for it. Take some time for rest.

#3. Take a break in the middle of the overwhelm

When we’ve had large parties at our home, and I’m talking about with friends and family who I know really well and I’m super comfortable with, I take pockets of time to hide. I sound ridiculous saying that. I hide because I just need a little quiet downtime.

So that’s the weird thing about being an introvert, especially an introvert like me. I want to be a part of it. I get FOMO when I’m not invited. I want to be in the action, but I don’t. And that’s the battle of it all.

So when people are here or I’m at someone else’s house, I’ll go make myself busy cleaning up in the kitchen or just get a snuggle with my Sheltie Kipp. Then I come back in, and I’m good to go.

#4. Exit your comfort zone

Here’s what I know for sure about being an introvert in an extrovert world.

Unfortunately, there are times that I need to come out of my introvert tendencies.

There are moments where I must be an extrovert, meaning there are moments that I’ve got to show up. And the reason that’s important to me as a coach and entrepreneur is that I want to create a community and support people the best way I know how.

And hiding and not wanting to engage is not something that feels right for me. So I know how to be an extrovert when I need to be. I also know that when all is said and done, I’m still an introvert to my core.

#5. Acknowledge and use your strengths

It comes down to your mindset. Do you view your introverted personality as a downfall or as one of your strengths?

For example, one of my strengths is that I’m an expert (active) listener. I know without a doubt, that I absolutely would not be the coach I am, if I wasn’t an introvert.

In conversations, I like to sit back and let other people drive. I take things in and contribute when relevant. And if I want to be a supportive friend, I’m not there to jump in. I’m there to hear you, ask questions, and be a sounding board, and I’m pretty good at it.

What are your introverted strengths? Celebrate them and use them every single day!

#6. Tell people what you need.

It may sound something like:

  • I need to take a break
  • I’d rather go out to dinner with you and catch up instead of hanging out at a large party where I’ve got to make small talk with people.
  • I need you to be patient with me if I don’t respond right away. I’m very intentional with my words and don’t like rushed communication.
  • I need you to understand that I’m an empath and and HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) and I pick up on others emotions at a much higher intensity than others, causing anxiety and overwhelm. I’m okay. I just need a minute.

Wrapping It Up

Being an introvert doesn’t have to be a weakness, it can be a huge strength. Thriving in this world as an introvert is challenging. It’s a delicate dance. I don’t always get it right. And that’s okay.

Share this with other fellow introverts. We all need to know that we’re not alone, even if we mostly prefer some solitude.

It’s actually our thinking – not our doing – that keeps us stuck.

We have all these thoughts – and we use these thoughts as excuses for not achieving a goal, or handling a problem, or not making the most of the opportunities life throws our way.

Do any of these sound familiar?

  • I’m afraid of making a mistake.
  • I’m just not confident enough to do this.
  • I just don’t have enough time or money.
  • I’m afraid of what others might think.
  • It just isn’t the right time.

Dang, we all think and say these things, quite often.

Excuses keep you stuck in limbo. You want all these wonderful things, but you will never have them because the excuses you make prevent you from moving forward.

The trick is to turn your excuses into action.

Here’s how:

Excuse #1: I’m afraid of making mistakes… I’m hesitant because I’ll probably goof this up.

Turn it into action by accepting the fact that mistakes are a natural part of life. We all make mistakes. We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t make mistakes. No matter how much experience you have, you are still going to make mistakes. They help you learn and grow from the experience.

In fact, making mistakes is a natural part of success. As long as you take time to learn from your mistakes, they can lead to huge growth opportunities and insights that will help you move forward in a better way. Now, go make some mistakes. You’ll learn soooo much!

Excuse #2: I’m just not good enough… I’m just not confident enough to do this and make this work.

Turn it into action by acknowledging that self-confidence comes with competence (practicing skills) and experience. It’s perfectly okay and normal to lack confidence when you’re doing something for the first time. The more you do something the less scary it becomes. Familiarity breeds confidence.

Taking action is the fastest way to prove your fear wrong. When you take action, you learn that you’re safe and nothing bad happens when you try new things. Go do something new right now!

Excuse #3: I don’t have enough time or money… I’m sooo busy and I can’t even tell you where all my money goes.

Turn it into action by committing yourself to improving your time and money management skills. Managing your time and money is all about effective prioritization.

You will always find the time and money for the things you prioritize. Figure out what’s most important and then let go of everything else. Also, be cutthroat when it comes to eliminating distractions and wasteful spending. Make your time and money plans now!

Excuse #4: I’m afraid of what people will think… People are going to judge and criticize me.

Turn it into action by knowing that the only opinion that truly matters is yours! No matter what you do, you will NEVER EVER satisfy absolutely everyone in your life.

Stop trying to please everyone else and please yourself instead. Yes, there will always be someone who will judge and criticize you. You decide if you give that someone the power to hold you back. Now, keep your head down and focus on doing what’s important to you.

Excuse #5: This is just not the right time… I’ve got soooo much going on.

Turn it into action by acknowledging the fact that there is never really a right or a perfect moment to do something. Waiting for the perfect moment might mean that you miss out on opportunities that may never pop up again. With this is mind, commit to getting started in a small way today. Go take one small step right now and start!

Remember, all of these excuses – that keep you stuck in a constant state of procrastination – stem from a lack of confidence. Catch yourself when you are making these excuses and make a conscious decision to take action instead. Your future self will thank you!

Are you soooooo done with everything being so dang hard and stressful?

We make things unnecessarily hard for ourselves.

You don’t get a badge of honor for having so much “hard” in your life..

No, no, no!

The only thing you get is a pile of stress and a toxic mindset of “life is hard” that bleeds into everything you do.

The thought of “this is hard” is a sneaky one. It’s not accurate. What we really mean is that doing some things is uncomfortable. Ummm…. uncomfortable isn’t the same as hard. Hard is painful. Discomfort is something we can tolerate until we get comfortable.

Most people aren’t willing to experience discomfort. We are wired to avoid pain (or perceived pain) far more than gain pleasure.

What’s the worst that could happen if you put yourself on the line by doing something new, scary or intimidating? A feeling. A temporary bad feeling. It will not kill you or even hurt you.

Research reveals that human emotions last for a whopping 90 seconds before changing shape.

90 seconds! We have more than 1400 minutes in a day, so I think we could all withstand almost anything for one and a half of them.

All emotions are temporary. Good and bad.

A courageous person knows that the cost of going for it is therefore worth it. Because what’s the risk, really? Experiencing some temporary uncomfortable emotions is as bad as it gets.

What would you be doing if you were willing to experience a negative emotion? Asking someone out or asking for a raise at work?

First, be willing to be uncomfortable and then try these 3 simple ways to let things be easy.

#1 Change the conversation.

The reason why things are hard is because we tell ourselves it’s hard.

It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Don’t Say:

This is gonna be so hard.

Instead Say:

I remember when I did xxxx, and I thought that was gonna be hard, but it really wasn’t.

Don’t Say:

This is huge.

Instead Say:

It’s just a book, (just an instrument, just a talk, just a dish, just a class, just a test).
Now when you finish that book drop the word “just”. Celebrate your accomplishment. When someone congratulates you, accept that and say “Yes!, I finished my book!” Not, “Oh it’s just a book. Lots of people write them.”

Don’t Say:

I don’t even know where to start.

Instead Say:

Hmmmm. This is new. I don’t know exactly know what to do, but I’ll figure it out as I go.

The names you give your work matter, they have power. How you describe something impacts how you show up or don’t show up. Words can make things seem big, intimidating or scary.

#2 Start Before You Start

Starting is usually the hardest part of anything. Well, unless you’re the kind of person who starts tons of things but never finishes them. Wherever you are on the start-finish spectrum, starting before you start will make a huge difference in the perceived difficulty of any task.

What you do the evening before you start matters just as much as what you do each morning. In fact, what you do the night before makes it much more likely that you’ll accomplish what you’re aiming to get done on any given day.

First, set your intention for the day. End each day by writing the 3-5 most important things you want to get done tomorrow. Schedule those things on your calendar.

The worst thing is getting to your desk and scratching your head trying to decide what you should do first. Decide the night before.

I wear 20 different hats in my business. I can choose from creating digital products, to working on certification stuff, to administrative stuff, to networking, to writing blog posts, to personal stuff, and the list goes on. If I leave it up to how I feel in the morning, I guarantee you I will not be working on what is most important.

Finally, set up your workspace so all you need to do is sit or stand at your desk and start.

Let’s say I decide the first thing I’m going to do tomorrow is record a couple videos. Now I need to physically set myself up to start.

  • Tonight, I am going to set up and test all my equipment.
  • I’m going to make sure everything I need is charged.
  • I’ll also let my family know I’m going to be recording at a certain time, so they don’t bust up my recording unknowingly.
  • I’ll decide on what I’m going to wear and lay it all out.

# 3 Take Baby Steps

Don’t focus on going from 0 to 100. Focus on going from 0 to 1.

Gradual progression always double your efforts and it’s the only way anyone achieves a goal.

So stop worrying about where you’ll be 100 days from now. Put your head down and focus on what you can make progress on right now.

It’s the tiny steps you take every single day that will pave the way to achieving anything. You just need to develop the simple discipline to do it.

According to Mel Robbins, simple discipline is the practice of making and keeping promises to yourself. These promises are the foundation for your daily life, which is the foundation for achieving your goals.

The only way to change the big things in your life is to change the small things first – your daily habits, your morning routine, your evening routine and everything in between.

Start by making your bed every morning. Yes, I make my bed even when I’m at a hotel. When you make your bed in the morning it will automatically make you feel productive since you just completed something. And doesn’t it look nice?! You can throw your covers over the wrinkled sheets, it doesn’t have to be perfect.

One small task can make a huge difference in making you feel more confident to start your day.

Wrapping it Up: 3 Simple Ways to Make Things Easy

#1 Change the Conversation

#2 Start Before You Start

#3 Take Baby Steps

If you’re looking for more ways to confidently get through the scary and hard things in life hop on the waitlist for my on-line course opening this month

UNDAUNTED: The Art of Taking Action Even if You Doubt Yourself.

The trick to accomplishing anything is thinking you can do it. In other words, confidence is key. Many of the confidence killers we inflict on ourselves are thing we don’t even realize we’re doing.

But as with any behavior, these habits that slowly kill your spirit can be unlearned. The first step, of course, is recognizing them.

Check yourself to see if you have any of these 10 confidence-killing habits.

#1 People Pleasing – saying yes to everything

Saying “yes” to everyone stems from a desire to feel needed and liked. When you focus on pleasing others, you neglect yourself. Pleasing yourself is not selfish. It’s necessary. When you focus on your needs instead of everyone else’s, you reinforce that you matter. Stop linking your self-confidence to others’ approval. Instead show up for YOU!

#2 Using Always and Never

Your language is a reflection of how you feel about yourself and feeds your confidence, or not.

Using the words ‘always’ and ‘never’ is a common unconscious confidence-destroying habit that leaves you feeling like you have no ability to make changes, when that’s hardly the case.

Anytime you find yourself saying ‘always’ and ‘never’, you are destroying your confidence. Because of their seemingly absolute, black and white, all or nothing nature, you’re setting yourself up to feel hopeless, helpless and less confident.

#3 Maintaining toxic friendships

We truly are who we spend time with. If we are surrounded by people who are lazy, complain or have a victim mentality, then that is who we become.

If there are toxic people in your life who threaten your self-worth and significantly chip away at your self-esteem, it’s time to kick those relationships to the curb.

Seek out positive reinforcement, not haters.

Get a tighter rein on the positive influences. Hone your friend group and be intentional with who you surround yourself with. Make sure you’re surrounded by those who have your best interests at heart, and who love you and want to see you thrive.

#4 Bullying Yourself

You say things to yourself that you would never say to another person. These sound like, “I’m not good enough. I’m a loser. Or, I’m so stupid.” Constantly speaking to yourself this way will have the same effect as if someone else were saying those things to you, which can deal a serious blow to your self-confidence.

#5 Focusing on Your Weaknesses

The more we talk about our perceived negative traits, the more we will believe them. Not only that, but focusing on those flaws leads our subconscious mind to look for evidence that this belief is true and create new experiences to support it. At a certain point, these perceptions will turn into a self-created reality.

#6 Comparing Yourself to Others

When you compare yourself to someone who you perceive as better than you it diminishes your confidence. We have the tendency to tell ourselves that, compared to someone else, we aren’t qualified to do our job or lack the ability to be a good parent, partner, friend, or listener.

But by doing so, you’re likely to feel as if it isn’t even worth trying to live up to your expectations, thus enacting a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Instead, only compare yourself to those you can learn from. What are they doing or what do they have that you want? How did they get there? What attributes to you admire about them? How can you use this new knowledge to move forward?

#7 Spending Time on Social Media

Social media can have damaging effects on self-esteem and self-image. If negative comments or a lack of likes and interaction are getting you down, it’s time for a social media hiatus. Try to remind yourself that social media, in the grand scheme of things, is a pretty superficial place. And remember, the only validation that matters is the kind you find inside yourself.

#8 Not Admitting When You’re Wrong

Confidence is crucial, but over-confidence is downright dangerous. Knowing when to admit you are wrong is an important step in maintaining your self-esteem, because confidence doesn’t mean being right all the time. It also means being self-aware. You’ll learn that even when you make mistakes the world doesn’t come to an end. Own it. Admit your mistake. Forgive yourself. And move on.

#9 Neglecting Yourself

One of the main ways you can damage your confidence is not engaging in self-care. Not scheduling doctor appointments, cancelling training sessions at the gym, or eating like garbage send subconscious messages to your brain that you are not worth the time, money and energy necessary to lead a healthy life.

#10 Playing the victim

Thinking people are out to get you, that you are always wrong, or that you have terrible luck, are all damaging to your self-confidence. These thoughts can lead you to think the world is against you and that no matter what you do, it’s never good enough. Begin by reframing your thoughts to “That didn’t go as I had hoped, but next time will be better because I’m smarter now.”

When you are confident you will:
  • feel happy, valuable, fulfilled
  • feel worthy of the good things in your life
  • easily cope with life’s challenges
  • be productive
  • trust yourself to show up for YOU
  • stop looking for external validation because loving yourself is where true confidence thrives.

The fastest way to change the way you think about yourself is to change your behavior.

Identify which habits above you want to change and take one small step to start today.

Don’t forget to download your free confidence building guide.

The Habit of Self-Doubt: Crush It and Build Real Confidence