fbpx
Coach Carlene

Ever feel like it takes you forever to get things done? You’re working hard, but you easily spend all day working on something that you could’ve gotten done in a couple hours. I mean, you know that other people would have done it much faster than you.

Sooooo frustrating, right?

What the heck is going on?

I started keeping notes from my clients sessions and found the ONE thing that slooowwws them down is not being able to get “unstuck” when they hit a roadblock. 

Couple that with the ability to hyperfocus and you are stuck for a looooong time.

Hyperfocus refers to an intense fixation on an interest or activity for an extended period of time. People who experience hyperfocus often become so engrossed they block out the world around them. If you have ADHD you’ve probably experienced hyperfocus when working intently on things that interest you.

At its best, hyperfocus is what psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls “flow” — a state of mind in which you are so immersed in a task that you become (not to sound too far out) one with it. PET scans have shown that the hyperfocusing brain literally “lights up” with activity and pleasure.

At its worst, hyperfocus becomes a trance-like state in which you do the same pointless act over and over again. A student who creates flash cards for an upcoming test, for instance, may spend hours decorating them instead of studying. With hyperfocus, you can easily lose all sense of time and perspective.

Staying stuck has its consequences. 

Physically you may experience your muscles tightening or getting a headache. 

It stresses you out. You become frustrated.

This all zaps your confidence and you tell yourself you’ll never be able to get anything done. And we know where that leads. In the future, you use this as the reason to not even bother getting started. Yikes!

The trick is to have a system in place for when you get stuck. Ahhh, but you cannot get unstuck if you are hyper-focused on a problem.

Two things that will speed up your productivity:

  1. Know how to keep yourself out of hyperfocus and break it if you go there.
  2. Have a doable plan to problem solve and get unstuck.

Here we go.

Let’s manage your hyperfocus. 

  • Set a timer for 20 minutes. Before you sit down to do your work, set that timer. If you get into hyperfocus, this will help break the spell. If after 20 minutes, you are not stuck yet, set it for another 20 minutes. Keep this pattern going until you are done with your work. 
  • Take short 5 minute breaks between your 20 minute sprints. 
  • Take inventory of your progress at the end of each 20 minute sprint. Have you moved forward?  Are you closer to being done? If not, what’s the problem? You’re most likely stuck.

Asking for help is one of the most courageous things you can do.

Now let’s make and use a plan to problem solve and get unstuck. 

  • Take a break. Get up, stretch, go to another room, go outside. So many times, when we go back to the problem, we can see what we need to do because we are seeing it with fresh eyes.
  • Ask for help. Who knows something about what you’re working on? A colleague? Tech support? Call them!
  • Don’t know that expert? Call someone to talk it through. When you talk through the problem the solution is likely to pop up. 
  • If you’re still stuck and your deadline isn’t looming too close, sleep on it

Ever hear of shower thoughts? It’s when we give our brains a break that we have the ability to come up with our most creative solutions. 

Getting stuck happens. Staying stuck is a choice. 

If you liked this, grab your free confidence guide:

The Habit of Self-Doubt: Crush It and Build Real Confidence

People pleasing is the desire to make other people like you. That’s why you put yourself second, because you think people will like you better if you put them first.

People pleasing is a habit grounded in fear of rejection, of disappointing others and keeps you stuck in the exhausting cycle of trying to silence your inner critic of not feeling good enough to be loved. 

We people please for many reasons. 

It could be a response to fear associated with a past trauma. Maybe you’ve experienced abuse and you learned it was safer to do what other people wanted and take care of their needs first. By people- pleasing, you made yourself likable, and therefore safe.

Or it could be self-esteem issues. Maybe when you were younger you learned that your value comes from what you do for others. This will probably play on repeat throughout your life unless you work to undo the message.

Or it could be fear of rejection. If your parent offered you approval and love based largely on your behavior, you probably realized pretty quickly it was best to keep them happy. To avoid rejection in the form of criticism and punishment when you did something wrong, you learned to always do what they wanted, maybe before they even asked it of you.

Wherever it comes from, people-pleasing is damaging to you, others, and your relationships. It plays out with many negative consequences including:
  • You feel frustrated and resentful.
  • People take advantage of you.
  • Your relationships don’t satisfy you.
  • You experience increased stress and burnout.
  • Partners and friends become frustrated with you.

Here are 6 signs you’re a people pleaser:

  1. 1. You’re terrified of disappointing people.

You might worry that telling someone “no” or turning down a request for help will make them think you don’t care about them. Agreeing to do what they want might seem like a safer option, even if you don’t actually have the time or inclination to help. 

  • 2. You feel like everything is your fault.

Are you always ready with a “sorry!” when something goes wrong? People pleasing involves readiness to take on blame, even when what happened has nothing to do with you.

  • 3. Your sense of worth comes from being needed.

People pleasers often deal with low self-esteem and draw their self-worth from the approval of others. You spend a lot of time worrying about rejection. You may think, “I am only worthy of love if I give everything to someone else.” You may believe people only care about you when you’re useful and need their praise and appreciation in order to feel good about yourself. 

  • 4. You have trouble asking for help.

You don’t want to impose or interrupt anyone else. They may think you’re not capable if you ask for help. You think it’s best to figure it out on your own

  • 5. You hate conflict and will avoid it all costs.

You’re quick to agree, even when you don’t really agree. Agreeability often seems like a surefire way to win approval. You’re really setting yourself (and others) up for future frustration. The flaws you could have brought to light early on will eventually surface. 

  • 6. You take care of everybody else and do a lousy job of taking care of yourself.

Try to pinpoint the last time you did something just for yourself. Do you have many moments like that? If you can’t think of many (or any) instances, you could have some people-pleasing tendencies.

3 Secrets to ending the habit of people-pleasing.

  1. 1. Learn to set boundaries.

Next time someone asks for help or you tempted to intervene, consider:

  • How you feel about the action. Is it something you want to do or are you dreading it.
  • Whether you have time to see to your own needs first. Will you have to sacrifice limited free time or skip out on some necessary self-care?
  • How helping will make you feel. Will it make you feel happy or resentful?
  • 2. Wait until you’re asked to help.

No matter what the problem is, you’re always ready with a solution. You jump in with fixing everything anytime someone mentions a problem. Next time, challenge yourself to wait until someone explicitly asks for help.

  • 3. The secret to ending this pattern is learning how to be okay with other people not liking you. When you truly like yourself, you’ll no longer struggle with people pleasing.

As long as YOU like yourself, nothing else matters. 

Break the habit of people pleasing by learning to love yourself FIRST, even if that means making some people upset or even making them NOT like you. 

If you liked this,

Grab your free confidence guide here. 

I’m not going to tell you how amazing it is to start over or how freeing it feels do something that makes you nervous and doubt yourself. If you’re looking for that you can stop reading.

But if you’re still with me, let me ask you this:

How are you stopping yourself from moving forward?

Signing up for a barre exercise class felt like doing something for the first time for me. It wasn’t. I did barre for years, before the world stopped turning. But returning to that practice made me a beginner again. And I had all the icky feelings of not feeling like enough, doubting I could even get through a class without passing out, and fearing everyone judging me. 

We hate being a beginner. Our habit brains set us up to stay stuck in the fear. Here are two things you can do to move past the fear and start again.

1. Embrace being a beginner, don’t resist it.

I don’t know about you, but I like doing things I’m good at. It’s why I don’t try new things often enough. But when your life gets shaken up, you become a beginner again.

When you embrace the change, you grow. Resist it and your life gets smaller.

Maybe it’s going back to the office or seeing an old group of friends. Maybe it’s exercise, like me.

Whatever is hard for you now will become easier over time.

You may have heard me say that once you start doing the thing that scares you, the fear fades. Let me add this: sometimes it takes a while to fade.

Wherever you are facing a new beginning or getting back to something you love in life, give yourself some grace. It’s normal to be nervous and to doubt yourself. But please, start. Action is the most effective way to eventually moving past the fear. 

2. Affirm yourself, don’t doubt yourself.

One of the most common ways we doubt ourselves is to ask the wrong questions. Wrong questions are disempowering. They immediately change our subconscious thought patterns from positive to negative, or vice versa. They are powerful.

Question: Why can’t I lost weight?
Answer: Because you’re a pig.

Question: Why can’t I do things right?
Answer: Because you’re not smart!

Question: Why am I so broke?
Answer: Because you’re a loser.

Ask a bad question and you’ll get a bad answer. This is how our subconscious mind works. Because the conscious mind programs the subconscious. You can take charge.

Good questions lead to productive answers:

What are the top two things I can do to lose weight?

What is a better way to do this?

What are three things I can do to increase my cashflow?

Asking the right question is empowering.

With the right mindset you can do anything.

What are you going to do now?

If you liked this,

Grab your free confidence guide here. 

I once heard a powerful line that always stuck with me:

There is NOTHING you can do to either increase OR decrease your worthiness as a human.

No amount of success, money in your account, or Instagram following will make you more worthy! AND no amount of failure, missed job promotions, or unprofitable ventures will take away from your value. You are good enough, you are valuable, and you are so worthy!

It’s BECAUSE you are worthy, you’re able to accomplish and enjoy wonderful things and shine your light into the world.

I see the sense of “unworthiness” play into so many people’s lives. We are taught to believe that we have to earn everything, and if we don’t get what we are truly after, it’s because we aren’t “enough.”

Can you relate? This is an insane, vicious cycle that ultimately leads us to self-loathing, depression, anxiety, perfectionism, apathy, and sadness.

The truth about unworthiness is that it simply isn’t real. There are no qualities or characteristics about you that exclude you from any said things that you desire in life. It’s simply a limited way of thinking, which excuses you from really putting both feet forward and going for what you want in life.

I believe we tend to fall into unworthiness as a way to bypass some of the major feelings that we have about ourselves, mostly our inability to really love ourselves. Think about it, if we loved ourselves in a full and complete way, we would always think that we could live the life and have the things that we deeply want, right?

Your ability to achieve your desires has nothing to do with your worthiness and everything to do with your thoughts, actions, and beliefs.

I encourage you to start the journey of banishing any unworthy sentiments you have about yourself. You were given this exact life for a reason. None of it has anything to do with whether you were worthy of it or not.

We all have the capability to do the things we want to do, to be the people we want to be, and to create the lives we wish to live. However, it starts with us, and cleaning up the way we think about ourselves.

There is NOTHING you can do to either increase OR decrease your worthiness as a human.

It’s time to sit down and list all the things that make you feel less than, or unworthy. 

I am not unworthy because…

  • I hear others make more money than me,
  •  I fail,
  • I quit the thing that was no longer serving me,
  • I’m having tech issues
  • Someone says something mean to me
  • Someone gives me advice on how to do better

Keep this list on your phone or post it on your mirror or fridge to remind yourself that situations and outcomes do not determine your worthiness. 

I hope this practice helps you release any of the feelings that might be holding you back from the things you truly desire in life. I want you to know that you are worthy of your authentic dreams, desires and goals, and that it is possible for you. Please remember this, always.

Wondering how to build more confidence?

Grab your free confidence guide here. 

Sometimes we are wasting our time doing things that are holding us back from being productive, happy and successful. And, often we don’t recognize those things until someone points them out. That was so true for me. Then I became an entrepreneur and learned how valuable each second of the day was – that there really wasn’t any time to waste on things that didn’t grow me or my business.

So to get started, here are eight habits I’ve adopted to boost my productivity and keep the momentum going.

Habit 1 – Limit Social Media

Being on social media – checking Facebook notifications, scrolling through pictures on Instagram, reading quick updates on Twitter, whatever – it’s part of everyday life. But if you don’t control how much time you spend on it the hours will fly by and you won’t have accomplished anything on your to-do list.

Either put a time limit on it – set an alarm for when you need to minimize it, close the app, do something else – or only get on after completing necessary work and tasks and use social media as a reward.

Habit 2 – Plan Every Day

Productive people have a purpose, a laser-focused plan of things they want to achieve on a particular day. I believe in writing things down – but only the top two or three things I need to accomplish that day, not a long list of to-do’s. Ask yourself, “What are the 2-3 things that I must get done today and when I look back on my day if I accomplished them, then it was indeed a great day?”

Habit 3 – Stop Doing Emotionally Draining Activities

If you want to create a truly productive life, you have to focus on things that positively fuel your life. Productive people don’t waste their time on things that emotionally drain them.

Before committing to activities on your schedule, be sure it will positively add to your day and life. If you believe it wont, then think about saying no, or not now. Don’t feel like your have to give an answer right when you’re being asked. Follow your gut. Don’t overthink it.

Read More

Did you know perfectionism is one of the biggest confidence killers?

PER-FEC_TION-ISM
Noun
Obsession with “getting it perfect” to avoid criticism and failure.

Raise your hand if you’re a self-proclaimed perfectionist. You too huh?

The pursuit of perfection can be crippling. This perfectionist thinking plagues mostly women.

It’s no wonder perfectionism is linked to numerous negative health effects, including higher rates of anxiety, depression, unhappiness and eating disorders.

One study found perfectionists are 51 percent more likely to die at an earlier age.

That’s crazy to think about. But it’s true.

Perfectionism keeps us stuck in the cycle of self-doubt. As harsh as it sounds, it is an EXCUSE to avoid something we don’t like or we don’t have much confidence around. It keeps us from putting our great ideas and our great selves out into the world.

Perfection paralysis is a trick your mind plays on you in an attempt to keep you safe.

Whenever you are about to put a piece of yourself out in the world (say by starting a business or asking someone out on a date) you form an idea of it in your mind first. You think, “I don’t want to be rejected or judged.” “I don’t want to fail.”

If perfection is your standard, of course you will never be fully confident because the bar is always impossibly high, and you will inevitably and routinely feel inadequate.

Action is the anecdote to self-doubt. Well, here’s the rub. Perfectionism keeps us from taking action. Perfectionism is the greatest form of procrastination.

I’m reminded of an important principle from the science of systems and software design: the good-enough principle.

The principle states that most consumers will use products that are good enough, even if there are more technically advanced options available to them.

This means that in most areas of life, good enough really is good enough. True success is progress towards goals that matter to you.

When you strive for perfection, you are bound to fail, and this can lead to even more self-criticism, turning your mind into your enemy.

By calling on the good-enough principle to reframe your perspective, you are giving yourself permission to fail.

Trust me: You will fail at something along the way. It is only when the pressure of perfection has been removed that you can tap into your inner genius and do your best work.

Next time you find yourself stalling out on an important project, suffering from writer’s block or avoiding asking your cute co-worker out to dinner, remember the good-enough principle and give yourself permission to try.

Grab your free guide:

The Habit of Self-Doubt: Crush it and Build Real Confidence

You think self-care isn’t that important because you are getting by each day. Your body is resilient. You can neglect it and not only will it keep working but it will alter itself to keep up with garbage habits. You might not realize the toll it’s taking because you can “push through”.

Every choice and action does have effects. You may just be so deep into exhaustion and neglect that nothing really seems to be “bad enough” until something drastic happens.

If you could experience five seconds of how good you could feel with good self-care you would have endless motivation to keep it going.

Thought 1:

You think “self-care is not that important.”

This is a direct hit to your self-worth. Saying self-care doesn’t matter that much is like saying I don’t matter.

Low self-worth tricks you into believing that your own health, personal development or rejuvenation doesn’t matter. It’s not true.

You do matter. How you take care of yourself with thoughts and action signals to your mind that you DO MATTER.

Thought 2:

You think “self-care is selfish or takes away from others.”

This also implies low self-worth because you think another human is more important instead of equal, and it also makes you feel guilty.

Self-care = self-responsibility. Not selfishness.

Look, if your definition of self-care means you ignore people you love and purposely cause suffering to get your massage, then yes. You are selfish. But that’s not what self-care is.

Caring for yourself doesn’t equal someone else’s suffering.

What is your intent? To make sure you get yours and everyone is punished? Or is it to take care of you so you can stop being so short-tempered, ill, or worn out when somebody wants to talk to you after a long day?

“Self-care is giving the
world the best of you
instead of what’s left of
you.”

unknown

I know it can be hard to fit self-care into your life. Twenty minutes when you park your butt on the couch is twenty minutes you’re not with your kids, or doing all that stuff on your to do list.

But skimping on self-care is not going to help you get those million things done. It might work some of the time but eventually you are burned out and resentful.

Self-care comes in all kinds of forms from laying on the couch for 10 minutes to staying hydrated on days you are busy.

Self-care can also mean relaxing your unrealistic expectations of yourself. Sometimes the best self-care is looking at your personal expectations and to do lists and evaluating if this is even what you want to be doing. Often, we ignore our basic wants. Self-care is paying attention to them.

What are some doable self-care things you’re going to start doing every day?

Did you grab your free guide?
The Habit of Self-Doubt: Crush It and Build Real Confidence

You’ve heard sooooo many tips on how to manage anxiety that you’re done listening. I getchu! I wish the mental health community would share the science behind these strategies. When you understand the physiology of why these things work, you’re more likely to do them.

Let me introduce you to your vagus nerve. It is the nerve that connects your gut and brain. It has some MAJOR power. It regulates your nervous system and runs from your gut, through every major organ, all the way up to your brain.

There are very specific ways you can “tone” or stimulate this nerve, making it easier for you to settle your nervous system and control your anxiety.

When you’ve been told some of these strategies in the past, maybe you rolled your eyes and thought, “Ya, like some deep breathing is gonna do anything for me.” Why would you believe it? It sounds too simple and you feel like the person telling you this is brushing you off and simply does NOT understand how bad your anxiety is.

Sometimes the solution is simple. Most times, you can do something to stop the overwhelm of anxiety and spiraling into a panic attack.

Here are 6 science-based ways to activate and calm your vagus nerve.

Strategy 1: Go for a walk in silence.
Getting out into nature is a crucial way to tone or stimulate your vagus nerve. Doing it in silence offers opportunities for self-reflection & daydreaming which activates multiple parts of your brain. It gives you time to turn down the inner noise & increase awareness of what matters most and gets you into the present moment.

Strategy 2: Hum loudly.
When you hum, it sends vibrations through your body. Research has found that the vibrations from “OM” chanting stimulates the vagus nerve.

Strategy 3: Sing a song at the top of your lungs.
Singing releases tension in your diaphragm by activating the vagus nerve. Bonus points for singing as loud as you can! According to research, the amount of cortisol, the stress hormone, in someone’s saliva decreases after they sing.

Strategy 4: Practice deep breathing.
Deep breathing increases the supply of oxygen to your brain and stimulates the vagus nerve, which promotes a state of calmness. Matching movement to breath in yoga & meditation is so important as it grounds you in your body & in the present moment.

Strategy 5: Take a bath.
Hot water activates the vagus nerve & relaxes the body. When a tense body enters a warm bath, the hot water increases the body temperature & relaxes the muscles, which not only soothes you physically but also mentally. No bath? No problem. Stand under a hot shower.

Strategy 6: Hug someone you love.
Oxytocin, sometimes called the “cuddle hormone,” is released when people hug or snuggle us. This release has been found to lower heart rate & reduce stress. Can’t find someone to hug? Curl yourself up with your knees up to your chest. Wrap your arms around your legs. The pressure will activate your vagus nerve. Research also suggests that weighted blankets simulate being held or hugged. Go get yourself a weighted blanket.

Have you grabbed your free confidence guide?
The Habit of Self-Doubt: Crush It and Build Real Confidence.

Overthinking is when what you think gets in the way of what you want.

It’s one of the most expensive things in the world because it wastes time, creativity, and productivity. It’s an epidemic of inaction.

Essentially, overthinking is when your brain spins on a thought or an idea for longer than you anticipated. Unfortunately, overthinking tends to lean toward the negative. Left to its own devices, it will naturally gravitate toward things you don’t want to dwell on.

I have to constantly ask myself things like, “Do I want to donate an afternoon of brain space to churn over something dumb I said to a friend three months ago?” What’s worse is if I don’t give it the space to process during the day, it finds a way of creeping into my brain at night and the cycle of insomnia continues.

Thoughts are something you have, not something you hone. We can’t control them, right? That’s why whenever we talk about thinking, we describe it as something outside of us that operates on its agenda:

  • “I got lost in my thoughts.”
  • “My thoughts got away from me.”
  • “She got carried away by her thoughts.”

We treat our thoughts as something we have no control over. If we don’t control our thoughts, then I guess our thoughts control us.

Our brain likes to believe the things it already believes. We’re magnets for information and experiences that confirm the things we already think about ourselves and the world.

If one of your beliefs is that you’re the most disorganized mom ever, then being three minutes late to the after-school pickup line will confirm that. 

Even if that morning you got both kids to school on time, worked a full-time job, planned dinner, and scheduled the carpool for soccer this weekend, your brain will still convince you to ignore any new evidence that doesn’t agree with that engrained belief. 

When you pick the thoughts you listen to the most, there’s no limit to what you can accomplish.

Unknown

Now that you know your brain can be a real jerk, do you want to leave your thoughts to chance?

Think about all the opportunities and adventures you’ll miss out on if these sabatoging thoughts, AKA limiting beliefs are in charge of your actions.

How do you know which thoughts to listen to?

Ask yourself these 3 quick questions.

Question 1: Is it true?

One of the biggest mistakes you can make is assuming all your thoughts are true. We believe that if it’s in our head, it must be accurate. If I think it, it must be real. 

I promise you’ll be shocked by how many lies you have cluttering up your head. 

Question 2: Is it helpful?

The question “Is it true?” won’t be enough to smoke out the lies in your head. Asking yourself is this thought helpful? Does it move you forward or keep you stuck? Does it lead to a decision or limit a decision? Does it generate action or apathy?

A client of mine, let’s call her Sarah, told me she will never be able to get rid of the clutter in her house. She was raised in a cluttered house and she doesn’t know any other way of living. 

Well, that is not entirely true. Yes, she grew up in a cluttered home. But what is not true is that she will NEVER be able to get rid of clutter in her adult home. 

It is also not helpful. It stops her from taking action. She’s already made up her mind by listening to this thought. 

She can choose another thought. “I can figure this out and ask someone to help me.”

She can make a choice to take one small action of cleaning out one drawer, one closet or one cabinet. 

Question 3: Is it kind? 

Is the thought you’re listening to kind to yourself? After listening to it a few times, do you feel better about yourself? Are you encouraged about your life and opportunities? 

For Sarah, her thought of “I’ll never be able to get rid of the clutter in my home,” is not kind. It tells her she’s not capable. 

Mike Peasley, PhD, asked ten thousand people how overthinking made them feel, 73 percent responded “inadequate.” When asked if overthinking left them feeling drained, 52 percent of people said yes. 

Do you know why overthinking makes you feel inadequate and drained? Because you’ve been listening to unkind thoughts about yourself on repeat.

If you’re still stuck figuring out which thoughts to tune into ask this last question:

Would I say this to a friend?

If you liked this, grab your free guide:
The Habit of Self-Doubt: Crush it and Build Real Confidence

Burnout is not what you think it is. It is not about being too busy or having too much to do.

You see, burnout is about how we handle having too much to do. It’s about how we let our to-do lists and demands from others hijack us and create a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion. It occurs when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and unable to meet those constant demands.

You are the only one who can manage how you respond to all that stuff coming at you. It’s about protecting your energy and you have control over that.

Here are 7 ways you can start protecting your energy today.

  1. Unfollow, mute, or block as needed on social media.
    Social media is a huge “energy suck”. Mentally we compare ourselves to others and feel like we aren’t enough, that we don’t have enough. This zaps so much energy. Make sure if you are on social media that you unfollow those accounts that make you feel like garbage. Follow “real people”. They should inspire you, make you laugh and show you their flaws, struggles and triumphs.

  2. Turn your ringer off, leave the text unread, or call them back later.
    Technology has put us in a state of being expected to answer someone immediately. Think about how you feel when someone doesn’t respond to your text right away. Do you think, “Oh they must be upset with me”, or “They don’t care about me”, or “They really don’t want to go hang out so they’re ignoring me”?

    Most of the time, none of those are true. Most likely, these are the people who are setting boundaries to give themselves a break from constantly “being on”. Follow their lead. It’s up to you to manage peoples expectations of you. Initially, set-up some auto-responses when you get a text or a call that let’s everyone know you are not available right now and you’ll get back to them as soon as you can.

  3. Take an emotional/mental break from people that leave you drained.
    Again, this is about setting boundaries. We all have those people in our lives who use up all our energy reserves. You can still be there for these people, but you need to set boundaries on how often you make yourself available to them.

  4. Practice resting as a preventative measure.
    I can’t even tell you how many of us punish ourselves for taking a break. When we’re taking a break we sit there and feel guilty, thinking about all the other things we SHOULD be doing instead. The challenge is to REST, GUILT FREE. When you truly check out mentally, you will return to your work with a fresh perspective, clear of the brain fog.

  5. Don’t be available for every request of your time.
    Do you hear boundaries again? You can start adopting a personal challenge to start saying NO. You could start slow by simply saying “Not now.” Everyone else will be amazed at how capable they are when they now have the space to have to figure something out on their own without you. If you’re being asked to do something socially, that you know drains you, then say “not now”. You have the power to choose.

  6. Stop doing things just because you SHOULD or can do it yourself.
    First ask yourself what would happen if you simply did not do this thing? Would anyone else care? Do you really care? If not, stop doing it. If it is a MUST do, consider asking for help or pay for assistance if you can.

  7. Speak up as a strategy to prevent future frustration, burnout, and discomfort.
    You need to tell people what’s going on with you. If there is too much on your plate at work, speak up. Of course, don’t do this in a whining, complaining way. Tell your boss, you feel like the workload is too much and you’re concerned the quality of your work is at risk and you want to do your best work. Go in with a solution, maybe recommending what can come off your plate or what can be put on hold for now.

    If you’re frustrated at home, talk to your family and tell them what you need and from them. No one can read your mind.

You know your needs. Honor your needs by protecting your energy. You get to decide how to use it.

If you like this, grab your free guide here:
The Habit of Self-Doubt: Crush It and Build Real Confidence

In my work as an ADHD coach, there is one common problem that all of my clients share: painful self-doubt. The ADHD brain is, unfortunately, fertile ground for the seeds of self-doubt.

It’s so easy for us ADHD or not, to get stuck up in our heads overthinking and ruminating about everything. Much of the advice around building confidence is about changing our mindset. That is one important piece of it. But for most of us, the mindset work is so hard and takes forever. 

Studies have shown that the fastest way to change all the negative garbage in our heads is to take action that proves all those thoughts wrong. 

How many times have you told yourself, “I never do what I say I’m going to do. I don’t know why I even keep trying.” You’re telling yourself that you can’t count on YOU. Sheesh, if you can’t count on YOU, who can you count on? I’m telling you, you can count on you. 

The key to proving this limiting belief wrong is to start to build self-trust. When you learn you can count you to show up for you, it is the beginning of you building the skill of confidence. 

Start building your self-trust by making one small promise to yourself. Do it for you, not anyone else.

Pick one of the following confidence building habits and commit to doing it every single day.

1. Make your bed every morning. This tells your brain rest is over and it’s a new day. It also makes you feel productive, because you just did something, you made your bed. Of course, it looks so much better than an unmade bed. 

2. Drink 8 – 8 ounce glasses of water every day. Studies have shown that the number one reason we lose focus is because we are dehydrated. What a simple way to boost focus & productivity that then boosts our confidence.

3. Don’t look at social media for at least 1 hour after waking. I feel like garbage when I’m on social media, comparing myself to everyone else, feeling like I don’t measure up. When we look at this before even getting out of bed, we haven’t given ourselves the time to figure out how we feel today. 

We look at the perfect Instagram pics and everyone’s fancy vacations and feel like our lives are boring or we don’t have enough. That’s a horrible way to start our day. Think of it like this. What if you woke up and there were 100 people standing in your bedroom. Imagine they are all talking at the same time telling you about their perfect lives. I don’t know about you, but I would tell them to get the heck out. When you look at your social media first thing before getting out of bed, you’ve invited people to wake up with you (kind of creepy), some of whom you haven’t ever met or haven’t talked to in years. 

Set yourself up for success

  1. Write down your promise to yourself and keep it in plain sight.
  2. You can also share your promise with someone and get them to make a promise to themselves too and check in with each other daily.

If you miss a day, don’t beat yourself up. It’s not about perfection. It’s about showing up for yourself. Building the skill of confidence is within your reach. Get out of your head and get into action.  

If you liked this grab your free confidence building guide:
The Habit of Self-Doubt: Crush It and Build Real Confidence

Burnout is the product of unhealthy expectations with yourself or others. We cannot do and be everything. 

Much worse than ordinary fatigue, burnout makes it challenging for you to cope with stress and handle day-to-day responsibilities.

If you’re experiencing burnout you may often feel like you have nothing left to give and may dread getting out of bed each morning. You may even adopt a pessimistic outlook toward life and feel hopeless.

Burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It occurs when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and unable to meet constant demands.

Do you recognize any of these 7 Common Causes of Burnout in your life?

~Listening to people when you don’t have the emotional capacity to hold space for them.

~Working hard and not being shown appreciation for your efforts.

~Overextending yourself to others.

~Unreasonable expectations for yourself or unreasonable expectations placed on you.

~Not taking care of yourself but taking care of others.

~Trying to manage situations outside of your control.

~Offering advice to people who don’t value your feedback.

Once you identify what is causing your burnout you can take steps eliminate them or manage them in a healthy way.

Tune in to your behaviors and how you are really feeling. You may find you’re suffering from one or more of these burnout symptoms

Exhaustion. Feeling physically and emotionally depleted. Physical symptoms may include headaches, stomachaches, and appetite or sleeping changes.

Isolation. You tend to feel overwhelmed. As a result, you may stop socializing and confiding in friends, family members, and co-workers.

Escape fantasies. Dissatisfied with the never-ending demands of your job, you may fantasize about running away or going on a solo-vacation. In extreme cases, you may turn to drugs, alcohol, or food as a way to numb your emotional pain.

Irritability. Burnout can cause you to lose your cool with friends, co-workers, and family members more easily. Coping with normal stressors like preparing for a work meeting, driving kids to school, and tending to household tasks also may start to feel insurmountable, especially when things don’t go as planned.

Frequent illnesses. Burnout, like other long-term stress, can lower your immune system, making you more susceptible to colds, the flu, and insomnia. Burnout can also lead to mental health concerns like depression and anxiety.

Stress is unavoidable. Burnout won’t go away on its’ own, but it is preventable by taking some steps to keep stress from getting the best of you. 

  1. Let go of people pleasing
  2. Accept that you’re not supposed to spread yourself so thin
  3. Eliminate toxic people and find people to support you
  4. Get back to the basics of self-care

    Exercise: Not only is exercise good for our physical health, but it also gives us an emotional boost.
    Stretched for time? You don’t need to spend hours at the gym to reap these benefits. Mini-workouts and short walks are convenient ways to make exercise a daily habit.

    Eat a balanced diet: Eating a healthy diet filled with omega-3 fatty acids can be a natural antidepressant. Adding foods rich in omega-3s like flaxseed oil, walnuts, and fish may help give your mood a boost.

    Practice good sleep habits: Our bodies need time to rest and reset which is why healthy sleep habits are essential for our well-being. According to the National Sleep Foundation, avoiding caffeine before bedtime, establishing a relaxing bedtime ritual, and banning smartphones from the bedroom can help promote sound sleep hygiene.

    Ask for help: During stressful times, it’s important to reach out for help. If asking for assistance feels difficult, consider developing a self-care “check-in” with close friends and family members so that you can take care of each other during trying times.

Knowing your limits is an important part of preventing burnout.

If you are experiencing burnout, consider this:

What can you change now?

What needs to change soon?

What supports do you need?

What boundaries can you place with yourself and others?