Pause Life Coaching

Are you a people pleaser? Has being busy and stressed out become a badge of honor you wear every day? Do you struggle with saying “no” to someone or something? Are there particular people in your life where “yes” comes flying out of your mouth before you even stop to think about what you actually want?

Most of us have been there too because generally speaking saying yes is easy. Saying no, well, that takes a little more courage!

In reality, saying yes all the time to please others is actually incredibly fake, builds resentment, and is a complete disservice to those you are saying yes to, when really you want to say no.

For some saying no comes easier than others. Studies have shown, women suffer from this more-so than men. Many of my ADHD clients describe themselves as “people pleasers.” Fear of saying no is real. The best way to avoid these fears is simply to say yes.

When you can’t say no, do you:

  • Fear being rejected or thought poorly of by others
  • Worry that the other person won’t like you anymore or badmouth you
  • Hold a belief that you are being selfish if you say no
  • Fear conflict with others
  • Want to be “nice” and seen as someone who contributes selflessly to others (even if you resent saying yes and contributing!)
  • Attach your self-worth to how many things you do for others
  • Allow other people’s priorities to become your own priorities (for reasons above)
  • Let others start to get used to you saying yes all the time, making finding your no even more challenging.
We have mostly been trained from a very young age that saying no is wrong or not okay. How many times did your parents get angry at you if you said no to doing something? Did you get sent to your room or grounded? Many of us have been stripped of our permission to say no from very early on.

So it’s no wonder that many of us have lost the art of saying no. But it’s not all bad news, because saying no is just like a muscle that hasn’t been used in a while. You can still train it back into shape!

Here are some tips that will help get your “no”-muscle back into shape so that you can focus on what matters to you and start prioritizing what you want for your life.  Read More

Are you going about the season mindlessly working your to do list?

Many people with and without ADHD find they overspend during the holiday season. Why does that happen? Read More

Jim Carrey is a funny man. He is living proof of what is possible for those living with ADHD. Fan or not, you have to appreciate his courage to live authentically…on his own terms, in his own genuine purpose. This guy actually does what he loves, and people love him for it! He figured out how to tap into his strengths. He shares those gifts with the world.

What if someone (I mean you) gave you permission to live your genuine purpose? No matter where you are in your life, it’s never too late.

In his graduation speech to students at Maharishi University Jim Carrey illuminates the places where we all get stuck….in the past or future, in our mind of distorted thoughts, in pleasing others, in fear, in choice.

Read More

  1. Don’t dismiss anything as impossible. Imaginary boundaries, or in other words, our beliefs about what is possible, hold us back. Think of when an athlete breaks a world record.  Everyone believes it is impossible before he breaks the record. Now the bar has been raised, or the boundaries expanded, and other athletes use what they know is possible as newfound motivation. Their beliefs of what is possible have shifted. It is when we know something, we strive for greater possibilities. People who see possibilities beyond what everyone else knows are the people who believe anything is possible. They are the people who achieve what everyone else believes is impossible.
  2. Be certain you can overcome any obstacle. Deal with each obstacle one at a time until they have zero effect on your life.  Ask for help. Try a new approach. Be 100% confident the work to knock those obstacles out of your way are worth the reward of achieving your goal and purpose. Imagine two pictures. The first, what does your life look like if you do nothing and let those obstacles win? Second, what does your life look like after you’ve overcome those obstacles and are reaping the rewards…what are the rewards? Go knock those obstacles down! Your reward is waiting!
  3. You’ve got a new opportunity or an idea, you must take action now!  Intention isExtraordinary ADHD Life great, but action gets results! You don’t own a goal until you take action. One action leads to another action. A series of actions creates momentum. But you’re wondering, what if I make a mistake? We’re human. It is likely to happen. We make a wrong turn. We eventually find our way back. What did you learn on your detour? Take your new wisdom and knowledge with you to your next action. Don’t let a wrong turn slow your momentum. By taking action and staying in action, the universe recognizes your intentions and opens up opportunities you never considered.
  4. Do away with procrastination once and for all! Procrastination is a limiting belief (remember limiting beliefs in number 1?) that taking action now will be more painful than doing nothing now. Procrastination can destroy your chance to take advantage of an opportunity. Your opportunity becomes a missed opportunity. If you wait too long, showing up as your best-self is put in jeopardy. There is nothing to gain in waiting. Act now!
  5. Get clear on what you really want in life! Determine the best path to your goal. Focus on your actions, but leave the vision of your completed goal and its rewards as the backdrop. Get tripped up in the actions? Losing momentum? Focus on the backdrop. Imagine how it feels to live your life with the rewards of achieving your goal. Now, get back in action!

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