Have you ever noticed that when someone around you is stressed, you get sucked into it and become stressed too?
This is called social contagion.
It is the spread of emotions, attitudes, behaviors, or ideas among people within a social network. Much like a virus, emotions and behaviors can be transmitted from one person to another.
Maybe you’re always the calm in the chaos. Or, maybe you’re the one who is stressed and overwhelmed.
It could be a jammed printer, your lost eyeglasses, a broken appliance, or a mess your dog made, that can seem to get the best of you and throw you off your game.
Often, there is another person there that is adding to the stress of the situation. You get sucked into their stress energy. This often leads, a bottleneck in your ability to solve the problem at hand. It can also lead to conflict with the other person.
Have you ever told someone who is stressed and overwhelmed to “just calm down”? Or, maybe someone has said those words to you? We can agree this is not helpful.
So, what are you to do when problems and challenges arise and you catch the other person’s stress energy?
1️⃣ Decide that you’re going to be the one who stays calm when things go sideways.
When everyday disruptions occur, like crappy wifi, my golden rule is to embrace what’s showing up to the best of your ability. Social contagion is real. When you stay calm, those around you tend to follow suit. Yes, YOU can be the positive energy in any given situation.
2️⃣ Take Deep Breaths.
I know, you’ve heard it’s good to take deep breaths and think it’s such a cliche coping strategy. Don’t dismiss it so fast. There’s science that backs it up.
Five slow, deep belly breaths can calm the amygdala and help you stay connected to your prefrontal cortex. That’s the part of your brain responsible for executive functions like problem-solving, decision- making, and regulating your self-control.
3️⃣ Develop Empathy Without Absorbing.
Empathize with others without taking on their stress. This involves acknowledging the other person’s feelings while maintaining emotional distance and recognizing that you alone are not responsible for fixing the other person’s problems.
Speak up! Say something like, “Hey, I see how stressful this is. Could we take five minutes to take deep breaths and calm down, and then try to problem solve this together?”
4️⃣ Take a Break.
If possible, suggest that you both step away from the stressful situation temporarily to give yourself space to regroup and recharge. Even a short break can provide valuable perspective and clarity.
To avoid triggering defensiveness, make it about you: “Wow, I feel overwhelmed by this. I could use a little time to process this news and calm down so I can make smart decisions. Can we touch base in ten?”
When a problem arises, people naturally gravitate towards — and will take direction from — whoever is most cool, calm, and collected. You can be this person who inspires confidence and becomes a natural leader. Take control of yourself, choose to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting emotionally which will set the tone for others.