Are you a control freak? 

Being a control freak gets a bad rap and gives you a bad rep.

One of the most exhausting things we do to ourselves is try to control everything. Even the things we can’t control. As if? Who do we think we are? 

When we can’t control everything the overthinking, over worrying, and over-everything-else take over leaving us feeling stressed.

There’s plenty of good  reasons why being in control is so dang important to you. 

Do any of these sound familiar?

• Managing Overwhelm: You get overwhelmed with sensory overload and inundated with too much information. Having control over your use of social media, your social calendar, and other commitments helps you reduce the chaos and makes your days more manageable. 

• Predictability: You have difficulty with transitions and unexpected changes. Being in control allows you to create a more predictable environment, reducing anxiety and uncertainty.

• Focus and Attention: You get easily distracted and get pulled by all those shiny objects. Having control over your schedule and routines provides a sense of structure that helps you stay focused, minimizing distractions that derail your attention.

All good reasons to take control. But what about those times when you don’t have control? 

It’s so uncomfortable and unsettling not to feel in charge. It’s inevitable. The unexpected is gonna happen.

When you look at that unexpected situation through an “all or nothing” lens, it has serious consequences like: 

• Increased stress 
• Depleted Energy by futile efforts to control. 
• Clouded focus.
• Unable to problem solve.
• Stuck in the perfectionist trap. 
• Struggle to navigate uncertainty.
• Ruminating, overthinking and catastrophizing.

When life throws me a curveball, I’ve learned to ask myself:

“What can I control about this situation?”

Not “Can I control this situation?”

I can’t control the entire situation, but there are things about it I can control.

Even if I didn’t want “The Thing” to happen ( flat tire, burning dinner, disappointing performance review, diagnosed with serious illness etc.), I can still make a list of what I can control.

Let’s look at what it really means to control our controllables.

Situation 1: You’re working on a project with tight deadlines and feel overwhelmed.

Factors you can control:

• Time Management: You can control how you allocate your time and set specific blocks for focused work.
• Breaks and Rest: You can take regular breaks to manage your attention and energy levels.
• Task Breakdown: You can break down the project into smaller tasks, making it more manageable and less daunting.

Factors you can’t control:

• External Deadlines: The project’s external deadline is beyond your control.
• Co-workers’ Responsibilities: You can’t control the work pace or quality of others on the project.

Situation2: You struggle with maintaining a clean and organized home environment.

Factors you can control:

• Personal Routine: You can create a daily routine that includes cleaning and organizing tasks.
• Decluttering: You can decide what items to keep, donate, or discard to reduce clutter.
• Task Prioritization: You can prioritize which areas of your home to clean first based on your needs and time.

Factors you can’t control:

• Unexpected Events: You can’t control unexpected events like sudden spills or emergencies.
• Other Family Members’ Habits: You can’t control the actions or habits of other family members that contribute to the mess.

Situation 3: You’ve been diagnosed with a serious illness.

Factors you can control:

• Showing up to all your doctor appointments: You have control over making and showing up to all your appointments.
• Getting a second opinion: If what you heard from the first doctor isn’t making sense or sitting well with you, you have the choice to get a second opinion. 
• Your mindset: You can choose to have a pity party, constantly ask “why me” or you can face the diagnosis with courage taking it one day at a time. 
• Following the treatment plan: You are in control of following through with treatment and getting the rest you need.

Factors you can’t control:

• How other people respond to your illness: Everyone will react differently to the news of your diagnosis. Let them be them. They’re doing the best they can.
• The messy healthcare system: Sadly, it is what it is. You can’t fix it but you can work kindly with all the healthcare professionals treating you.
• The outcome: You can follow all the doctors orders and still not get the outcome you want. 

By breaking down these situations into controllable and uncontrollable factors, you gain a clearer perspective on where you have agency and where you need to adapt your expectations. 

Wrapping it Up For Our New and Improved Control Freaks

If you are in a funk or been handed a crappy situation, you can ask yourself,

“What CAN I control about it?”

Make a list of what you CAN control and CANNOT control about a specific situation.

Let go of the CANNOT’s and focus on the CAN’s.

Letting go and taking control at the same time is a powerful force you can master with practice.