How are we supposed to overcome rejection when it’s so dang painful?

We’re naturally wired to protect ourselves from pain. It’s how we survive. But it holds us back. When our goal is to feel no pain, we strive to stay comfortable.

If you’re working on a goal, it’s a goal because it’s new to you. It’s gonna be painful or at least uncomfortable.

The number one reason we don’t achieve our goals is fear, specifically fear of rejection.

We’ve all faced rejection in our lives.

• Someone shooting your idea down.
• A friend doesn’t show up for you.
• Not getting that date with that person you’ve been swooning over.
• No one likes your social posts.
• When people don’t buy what you’re offering.
• When you don’t get that job.
• When you get excluded from a friend group outing.
• A friend betrays your trust.

Your past is not an indication of your future. Past rejections do not determine your future, unless you let them.

So how do you overcome and deal with rejection? In other words, how do you make rejection work for you?

It’s about giving meaning to rejection that moves you forward instead of holding you back.

Rejection triggers our self-doubt, convincing us that we aren’t worthy.
We attach meaning to everything in our lives. What if you attached a new meaning to rejection?

How do you do that, you ask?

Here’s a 4-step framework to overcome rejection.

#1. Reveal

When you imagine yourself getting rejected what is the first thought you have? Write it down now.

• I’m not enough. 
• I shouldn’t have even tried. 
• I’m unqualified. 
• I didn’t even think I could.
• I’m an idiot. 
• I’m stupid.

For me, it was always –There’s the proof, once again, that  I’m not enough. 

Whatever that first thought is that you wrote down, that is your current definition of rejection.

Now that you’ve revealed and discovered your definition of rejection it’s time to redefine it.

#2. Redefine

The tricky thing is catching that default thought as soon as it pops up. When you do, you want to replace it with a new definition that’s empowering and that you actually believe is true. If you don’t believe it, it’s not going to matter. 

Here’s my new definition of rejection:

Rejection doesn’t mean I’m not enough, I’m one of the brave ones willing to go for it.

And, I believe that 100%!

I decided that I’m not gonna be a person sitting on the sidelines of life regretting that I never tried.

I also believe this new definition of rejection too:

Rejection is the universe’s way of protecting me from something that’s NOT meant for me and is giving me space to go for what IS meant for me. 

Sometimes things don’t work out the way we want them to. I truly believe things happen or don’t happen for reasons that have yet to be revealed to us.

Be careful, that you don’t use rejection as an excuse to stop trying. 

Just because I’ve felt the sting of NO’s in my business it didn’t mean that I wasn’t supposed to build my business.

It means that one thing that didn’t work out wasn’t meant for me and it opened my mind to other possibilities and opportunities.  

#3. Revisit

If there is a painful rejection from your past that you’ve been hanging to, that has defined who you are or you see it as a big indication of your worth, revisit it and ask yourself what is the meaning you’ve assigned to that specific rejection and redefine it. This is huge. 

I was recently ghosted by a dear, lifelong friend while I was going through treatment for breast cancer. Literally, the worst kind of rejection I’ve ever felt. Now that I’m cancer free, she is back as if nothing happened. 

I had to reframe that rejection. I’ve seen this person not cope well when people close to her are sick. I know she loves me. Her absence that I felt deeply as rejection was really about her and what she was capable of in that situation. It wasn’t about me at all. Doesn’t make it right, or make it hurt less, but that’s the truth. 

I believe that the universe was telling me to adjust my expectations. It was telling me that I’m worthy of having friends show up for me that can really be there for me, she just simply isn’t one of those people. 

#4. Revel

Revel in the fact that you are fearless in the face of rejection.  

In life we don’t become what we want, we become what we believe we’re worthy of.

It’s your time to do things you feel called to do.

Remember, it’s not about the NO’s. It’s about people not seeing your value. You are worthy!